BoldGrace

Just Be Real by Kevin Beck

If you can fake authenticity, you’ve got it made. It may sound like advice given by a shady Hollywood producer, but insincerity pervades everything from marriages to business to religion. (Have you ever sung "Just as I Am" while hoping that God would change the people responding to the altar call?) Disingenuousness eats away at our hearts, but for some odd reason we believe that we have to be someone or something other than whom and what we truly are.

We’ve all attempted to live up to artificial standards that we’ve supposed others have set for us. Perhaps you’ve chosen a career to please your parents. Maybe you’ve accepted a spiritual tradition because someone told you that it would bring you enlightenment or make God happy. Possibly you’ve joined a political movement because you perceive it to be the most influential.

Perhaps the root cause of insincerity involves pride and its cousin, insecurity. We might feel that the only way for someone to really love us is for us to be different. But repressing our heart’s desire and suppressing our true identities causes us to grow bitter, harbor anger, and feel resentment toward ourselves and others.

We see the in frustration for feeling the way we do. Tolerating a system that forces us into being someone other than who we are irritates our inner being. This dissatisfaction manifests itself through our physical, emotion, and spiritual health. Our relationships suffer, and our spirit sags. Living a lie is destructive—always.

Henry David Thoreau wrote. “‘We must have our bread.’ But what is our bread? Is it baker’s bread? Methinks it should be very home-made bread.” Often, people easily accept and adopt the view, philosophy, and religion of others. We may even fool ourselves into believing that their opinion is our opinion. In our blindness, we’ve substituted baker’s bread for homemade.

To transcend dis-integrated living, we must begin with radical truth telling—primarily to ourselves. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with yourself. You are your own best confessor, counselor, and confidant. Paul said as much when he wrote in 2Corinthians, “Examine yourselves!” Strip away the bogus façade and come to terms with what is truly important to you. Accept you for who you are without judgment and without condemnation. Just be real with yourself.

You may object that this type of self-dialogue is laden with egotism. I agree that it may be. “This is important to me, and to hell with everyone else.” That attitude reflects a greedy heart eager for self-aggrandizement. Martin Buber wrote, “The word ‘I’ is the true shibboleth of humanity.” Yet, expressing even the covetous I allows you the opportunity to transcend it.

Buber redeems the I and illustrates the importance of “the beautiful and legitimate the vivid and emphatic I.” Buber continues by elaborating on the I-saying of Jesus, “For it is the I of the unconditional relation in which a man calls You ‘Father’ in a way that he himself becomes nothing but a son.”

Once you begin to deal candidly with yourself you can begin to engage God and others with transparency and integrity. Acknowledging your true Self empowers you to live openly because you understand who you are in relationship to yourself and to those beyond your individualized identity.

This week, invest some time into getting to know yourself. Throw away the stale store-bought bread, and enter into your own bakery. The appetizing aroma of life-to-life will enliven your spirit and allow you to be present with your own heart, with God, and within your world.