BoldGrace

What Should Be Our Focus? Part II

Many of you have read or heard about a book called "Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, And it’s all small Stuff."  That may be true to a certain extent with many things in our lives but not when it comes to our relationships.  It’s in the small stuff with each other that our FOCUS should be.  This is especially true when it comes to our mates. 

In our 40 years together my wife and I have learned over the years that what takes our relationship to the highest level is the small stuff.  Paying attention to the little things can pay big dividends especially when you do it without expecting anything in return.  My wife hates to clean the bathrooms but has done it for years until recently I realized that I could do this small thing for her.  I not only found out I didn’t really mind it, but also it made me feel incredible about taking it off her list of to do’s.  Now I find that there are literally hundreds of things I can do for her that makes me feel great.  I open her car door, fix her coffee, run the sweeper, etc.  My wife has also suffered from dry skin her whole life (exema) and so I started rubbing cream all over her to relieve her stress and dry skin.  I won’t tell you the dividends of that but it was a real payoff even though I didn’t expect one.  My Nancy is everything a man could want and has always paid attention to my smallest of needs.  I hope to catchup to where she already is, and in fact I know I will. 

Unfortunately many couples, married or not, focus on the big stuff until one day they find themselves with all the things they wanted minus the incredible relationship that makes it all worthwhile.  Having a nice home, two cars, and great church to go to will never replace the power of focusing on each other’s smallest of needs.  God is most pleased when we devote ourselves to each other in every part of who we are. 

Now let me give some simple tips:

1. Look for the things your mate hates to do the most and start doing it for them. 
2. Take a few minutes everyday and remind yourself of all the good things about your mate.
3. Never let a day go by without asking your mate how their day was.
4. Do the simple things, like picking up after yourself, putting down the toilet seat (for men), hanging up your clothes, etc.
5. Make time everyday to really talk to each other, asking questions about things that might be bothering either one of you.
6. Be looking for any opportunity to serve.  If my wife and I are sitting watching TV and she says "I’m thirsty", I am already up getting her a bottle of water.  In fact, now it’s almost a competition on who can serve each other the most. 
7. Deal with the tough issues.  All couples will have tough times but the secret to overcoming them is to keep them in the open and to have honest dialogue.
8. Stay away from trying to purchase a great relationship.  Great relations are about focusing on daily living not about buying gifts.  Gifts are not wrong but without all the other they really are meaningless.
9. Don’t give up.  Some people will say "I’ve tried all that and it didn’t work".  Remember, you must do these things because they are the right thing to do for yourself.  Regardless of how your mate reacts you will still be a happier person because of these positive choices.  And also remember that some mates have been hurt so bad that it could take years to undo previous bad habits.  DON’T GIVE UP.
10. LAST:  Believe that LOVE NEVER FAILS.  It is never a wrong choice to GIVE LOVE, especially when you have a healthing understanding of what love really means. 

1 Cor 13:4-8   4 Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. 5 It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. 6 It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. 7 Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. 8 Love never comes to an end.

Everyone of us has a simple choice in all our relationships.  We can settle for the norm, or we can strive for GREATNESS.  I know for me the choice is simple, I want to live every moment with my sweet Nancy to the fullest extent that LOVE will allow.