Disapproving Faces
I have just recently experienced someone close to me who is now turning away from me and has asked me to never speak to them again. I got the "call" yesterday. I was crushed. The cruel thing about it is that I have no idea what I have done. I have gone over it and over it again and again in my mind just exactly what I could have said or done and I immediately dove into a river of tears and went swimming all night. I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. My mind was a roller coaster of thoughts for why and what could I have possibly said that turned a 9 year relationship into one that exists no more?
This morning I felt better, but still sad. Once I wiped the dried tears from my eyes I started to realize that I will not be liked by everyone in this world. It just isn’t possible. There are those who will just simply not like me no matter what I do, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. We all have our own filters built from our own experiences over time. Others may see in me something that is merely a projection of their understanding, but I have no control over the interpretations of others. The best I can do is to hope that the role I played or will play in the script of their lives is helpful and simply keep following my own journey.
I can honestly say that this experience has been difficult, but my realization is that this is a part of walking my perfect path and as I grow I begin to appreciate the feeling of really being myself. The need that I had yesterday to have this person like me is gradually being replaced by the exhilaration of discovering that I am attracting like-minded individuals into my life…people who like me because they understand and appreciate the truth of who I am.
When we free ourselves from trying to twist into shapes that will fit the spaces provided by others’ limited understanding we start to gain a new sense of freedom and this allows us to expand into becoming exactly who we’re meant to be.
I’m sorry about the situation. That sort of thing sucks. But you sound like you’re working through it. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that end so they can transform — so we all can transform. Nothing’s more important than self-acceptance. And it looks like you’ve given yourself that grace.
Yes, this world is a strange place. But, it is doing exactly what it was designed to do. I’m sorry you had to suffer such heartache. It never seems fair, and it always hurts deeply. I know, I’ve been there many times. Try to see it as something that needed to happen. We may never really understand the reason for events like this, but in the end, I think it will become very clear. We will have many realizations about life’s events, and will say, “oh, now I see why…”
Don’t blame that person for what happened, and don’t blame yourself. I think one of the most cruel aspects of life on earth is that none of us are meant to be everything to everybody. And sometimes, we will inevitably be nothing to many. But, take heart my dear. Know that you are loved and appreciated and accepted by many, and those many are your friends. We are your friends.
Love ya!
Mindy- Read this quote. It fits your situation as well as mine and many others. We have to weigh the importance of the physical & spiritual relationships we have and not let ego determine how we live our lives. I believe you have concluded the right thing.
“So long as you are still worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them”. Bless you….
Hi Mindy
My heart goes out to you. I too have learnt the hard lesson that I will not be liked by everyone in this world. I still don’t think I’ve quite recovered from a situation that arose about 13 years ago when a long time friend felt betrayed by me. She became very hot/cold/hot/cold towards me and it got to the point where she couldn’t stand to even be in the same room as me. We live in different towns now so thankfully I don’t have to face the situation everyday. However, it has made me more cautious when I meet people and I hold back a bit from letting people really know me or from getting close to people because I don’t want to get hurt again. On a positive note, aren’t tears a wonderful release?! When things settle down a bit and you are ready, I would encourage you to look up a beautiful song that you will find on You Tube. Go to You Tube and search for “Better to Love” sung by Casey Donovan (winner of Australian Idol a couple of years ago).
Love from
Julia
Thank you all soo much for your wonderful words. Julia, the tears aren’t constant anymore, but they hit every now and then. That song brought more tears!!! It was beautiful. Thank you.
I gave all of me to this person and I trusted that they understood that. I was always told that I was a peacemaker as a child and I like to think that I am still, but unfortunately for this I was told to stay away. I don’t know what I could have possible said that deserves this treatment, but I can’t own this and I can’t blame them, but it is hard.
Mindy, My heart goes out to you, too. I experienced a similar thing about 13-14 years ago from a close friend, actually a relative. She didn’t ask me never to speak to her again, but, after a conversation wherein she tried to tell me what to do and I decided to not follow her advice, she began avoiding me and when we would run into each other she made it clear she no longer wanted a relationship with me, though I always tried to be just as cordial as possible. I was heartbroken and cried many tears over it. I did everything I could to restore the relationship, but all to no avail. Eventually I recovered, realizing that as you move through life, not everyone will be able or willing to move with you. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, just that they don’t understand. Anyway, she lives several states away from me, and when she was in town recently, to my great surprise, she called and asked to have lunch. We met and had a pleasant lunch, then as she was leaving, she said she had been wanting to talk to me for awhile, and apologized for what she had done all those years ago. We embraced, tears were shed, and the relationship is now restored. I am glad about it, but mostly for her because it is what she needed to do. I made peace with that situation long ago, and would have been fine whether she ever apologized or not. So, I’m telling you all this to say, grieve this loss and know that you will be okay. In fact, you will be better than okay, as I know you have many other friends and family who will be there for you. Pain is generally accompanied by a gift of some sort, perhaps something you need to learn. Bless you, Mindy!
Thank you soo much Connie. Everyones thoughts have really helped me get a hold on what has happened. I sincerely appreciate all of you.