BoldGrace

From Cliff’s Munchkin

This past year I had the privelage of meeting and gaining a very special friend named Cliff. He worked in the same department as me and no matter how hectic our days got, he ALWAYS had a smile on his face and a kind word to offer. He was always the person to encourage us at the beginnig of our shift to make the best out of the day (when most of us just wanted to go home and crawl back in bed), and he always was waiting for us at the time clock at the end of the day…giving us high-fives and letting us know how hard we worked and what a good job we all did!!! In my eyes, he was a father figure that I never had.

Just when my moods seemed heavy and an attitude would begin to set in….here came Cliff jumping from around a corner (literally!!) with a big smile on his face singing, "We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!" As most of you know, Im pretty short , and this was his way of reminding me of that fact and making me laugh…..resulting in an instant uplift in my spirit!! I was his favorite "munchkin" at work and he always made me feel loved and appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I received word from a co-worker that Cliff was ill. At first I didnt think much about it. I knew that he had been having some pretty bad heachaches, but I just figured that the job was wearing him down. He worked VERY hard, and I often seen him running through the building not only trying to get his work done, but helping all of us ladies out on his way. But, a week later I was informed that he had been admitted into the hospital and they had diagnosed him with brain cancer.

Even the news of this didnt make me think much about it because you see, Cliff was a determined man. This was NOT going to beat him. He was a fighter and although rarely, I KNEW that some people recovered from this sort of thing, and he would be one of those very rare numbers. Last Monday, I was on my floor working when my Vocera (communication device that I have to wear at work…) went off and on the other end whos voice do I hear but Cliff Hazelbakers!! His words were, "Your man’s in the house…just wanted to tell everyone hello and that I love and miss you guys!!"

He was at the hospital with his son and was picking up some meds, so my supervisor allowed us all to come down and see him. When I got to where he was, he was sitting in a wheel chair. I froze, I could not believe how much toll this illness had already taken on him, and reality quickly set in…….But ohhh were his spirits still so strong. He must have been able to tell that my heart was breaking because he looked right at me and said, "come here." I walked over to him and he pulled me towards him and gave me a hug, kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear, "Dont be sad for me you hear me…..I have accepted this and I am ready! I am not afraid and I dont hurt." I just hugged him back and didnt want to ever let go.

That very moment taught me the truest way possible of being thankful for the breath that I was taking, my heart that I had beating, and the many blessings that God has placed into my life. This man was dying. His time was very limited and at any given moment, he would not be here. Hours were not guaranteed to this man…let alone a tomarrow. The illness was winning, and pretty soon I knew that I would not get the privelage of seeing this man in front of me. It hurt, and I was angry.

I remember asking God, "if you were going to let this man come into my life, and for me to get so attached….why are you taking him away so soon?" God answered that through Cliff eyes because when I looked into them, I heard God speak to me saying, " what has this man taught you?" The answer to that is this: Life is not always perfect, it rarely is. There are going to be times to laugh and celebrate, but there are also going to be times when the best thing to do is drop to your knees and cry. But as my VERY very dear friend Cliff asked me one day, when I was discussing some struggles I was having, he said, "Well muchkin, when you get the chance to sit it out or dance…..are you going to sit it out or dance?"

Thursday, April 16th 2009 at approximately 9:00 a.m. I received word that my dear friend had passed early that morning. My heart literally ripped in two. I was so hurt and felt so much guilt. I hadnt even went to see him at home and there was so much that I wanted him to know!!! I wanted to tell him how so very thankful I was that I had met him and how joyful he had made me. I wanted to tell him that I had made up my mind about that question that he asked me, when life was getting rough….instead of sitting it out….I was going to dance!! He would have been so proud to hear that. But no, I never took the chance to go and tell him, and now he is gone.

I will never ever get to sit in front of him and see the look on his face when I walk into a room….I’ll never get to hear his voice as he belts out our favorite song….from the Wizard of Oz. I was SO VERY ANGRY that I almost couldnt handle that anger. I went back to work after hearing the news and found it very hard to concentrate on my responsibilties. A guilty mood set over me and weighed me down very heavily that day.

At the end of the day, when it was time to clock out, I looked at the line of people from department, and was once again reminded that Cliff wasn’t here. I wouldnt be seeing him in this line, getting any of his high-fives, or listening to him joke around with all of us. But, when the day was done, and when I got to the door that would take me out of the building, the sun hit my face and I could hear Cliff saying, "this day is BEAUTIFUL…..go dance Munchkin!!!" …and I knew that he was home. I will forever love and miss you Cliff Hazelbaker!!!