What kind of Day are you having?

It is funny how some days are easier than others. Today is a day where I am swimming in my tears. The urge to cry today has become unbearable and I have had to give in. It is a day of disbelief that my Father is gone. Some days we are strong, happy, secure and at peace. The next…well, you never know what the day will bring.

Today will bring for some a birth, a new job, a raise, remission, a lottery winning or a loved one comes home from war. For some it brings a death, the loss of a job, hunger, an accident, an addiction, a bad diagnosis, or a loved one does not make it home from war. For me the day has brought a storm and my sea is raging. My ship feels like it is taking on too much water and all I can do is hold on tight…

When we are tired of the tribulations we want to run. I guess I figure if I run then maybe the things that sadden me will stay behind. The reality is that they don’t stay behind. We have to fight through these days. We have to find the strength to steer our ships. We have to use our faith until the storm subsides. We have to acknowledge the peace that fills our soul. I have lost sight of it today and it is easy to do, but I have to remember that I am staring into a world of illusions. I have to gain back the knowledge and the faith that lives within me…that lives in you.

Sarah McLachlan sings a song called “Angel”. Her words say,“In the arms of the Angel may you find some comfort here.” On the days where the sadness has taken control I try to be comforted by the idea that an Angel is watching over me. It is important to understand that each day will be different. Take the day for what it is, but don’t give up on the peace that fills your soul. I can’t hide what kind of day I am having. It is a tough one, but I am not going to be afraid. I will still love and be loved.

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life IS worth living and your belief will help create that fact.” —James Truslow Adams

Mindy Jun 1st 2009 03:12 pm Contributors 7 Comments Trackback URI Comments RSS

7 Responses to “What kind of Day are you having?”

  1. Audrey NZon 01 Jun 2009 at 4:20 pm link comment

    Mindy said, ‘………but I have to remember that I am staring into a world of illusions.’
    That is such a great place to begin. That statement of yours contains two equal ideas that give you the balance you need as you ride through this stormy part of adjustment to life without the physical presence of your Dad. The origin of the word TRUTH has in it a root word that is ‘remembering’ so as you look outward into the world of illusions, that ‘remembering’ is pulling you back reminding you there is another realm that you belong to that is higher, that is eternal and where death cannot enter. You will not find real solace by looking outward into this unreal world because the REAL COMFORTer is within yourself.
    .
    As part of discovering who we are, we are asked to leave mother and father, sister and brother. There has to be a break away from our ties to family – this journey of life is for each of us to walk apart from others. Sometimes when we cannot do this ourselves in a spiritual sense, the circumstances of life help to do it for us. The reason for this is to discover that the world of illusion begins with our natural birth into our ‘earth’ family. We begin to believe that this is our real identity, when the TRUTH is that we are spirit beings and this sojourn here is but a temporary experience and is swiftly passing away. We are spirit beings having an earth experience, and the truth of this can be found written on our hearts. Looking out produces confusion, but as we turn away from that to look deep within, past all the emotions, we find the peace that passes understanding. There you will find the comfort and love that will lift you up from your despondency give you LIFE and the strength to ride through any storm.

  2. Mindyon 01 Jun 2009 at 4:36 pm link comment

    Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herin lies the peace of God.
    Thank you Audrey :)

  3. Tammy Thompsonon 01 Jun 2009 at 6:09 pm link comment

    We all have storms we must ride through and just when you think you are alone at sea and find no end in sight, remember I am beside you guiding you through the waves, holding tight to your sails and showing you the way back to shore. Remember when your feet touch the sand, my footprints will guide you. You will never walk alone,for in my heart, there in lyes your home.
    I love You,
    Tammy Sue

  4. John Con 01 Jun 2009 at 6:11 pm link comment

    “Not to identify ourselves with the limited shadow, but to attain the knowledge of our celestial self is the object of this terrestrial life”.

    Jacob Boehme, Philosopher, Mystic (1575-1625)

  5. Kiaraon 02 Jun 2009 at 12:14 am link comment

    Be not afraid of life. Believe that life IS worth living and your belief will help create that fact.” —James Truslow Adams

    I love this quote. Thanks for sharing Mindy!

  6. Colleen Walteron 02 Jun 2009 at 2:58 pm link comment

    HI Mindy

    I haven’t been on this site for a little while- so much to do with the aftermath of death. The legal aspects of this has been devasting — but we are pushing forward. Today I spoke with internal affairs over some of the injustices that occured. I read your post and have had many sad days and know I will have many many more.

    I wanted to share the first day I came home and was alone after Caitlin’s death. I tried to mow grass and kept coming in to cry. I had finished clearing out her apartment and had found the dragonfly wind chime but my car still had a lot of her things in it.
    I decided I should keep moving and when I unloaded a box, a journal was on top and I stopped to read her words.
    Let me share the wisdom of this little girl- she got the journal at age 13 but the only entry in it was this one from when she was 16– she was going through a lot of up and down emotions- just as I am at this time

    She wrote a sweet dedication to me—
    “I dedicate all of my thoughts to my mother, who not only helped a great, great deal in my creation, and not only stood by me for 13 yrs, but helped me to express myself by writing down my inspirations in this journal she got me for my 13 christmas on this earth.”

    Her journal entry went like this:
    “What am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act? Is everything pre-destined? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. There is a standard set of rules that each individual is supposed to live by. These “do’s” and “don’ts” are there to regulate all of our actions, emotions and thoughts. When I analyze my actions., the first thing that comes to mind is depression. Literally speaking, it is impossible for me to cry out all of my pains and make my troubles float away. So why do I cry until my tears run dry? Tears don’t make a person FEEL better. At least, they don’t in a physical sense. When I cry, my body feels terrible. My eyes start to hurt and turn crimson red. My eyelids become obviously puffy. My face turns splotchy-red and I get a terrible headach with sensitivity to light.
    “A heart at peace gives life to the body…” Proverbs 14:30 NIV.
    How true this statement is. When we cry, part of us hurts, and it is not at peace. I have never felt as though crying is a weakness. Rather, tears are the result of receiving a challenge, something overwhelming or something
    that creates a great struggle deep inside your heart.”

    I was so down that day and I felt Catilin speaking to me and telling me it is ok to cry… that I would eventually get peace in my heart.
    I am striving for that- but will continue to have those teary days. But I know she is trying to help me daily as I deal with her loss here on earth.
    I know she is in a better place..
    I cry for the loss I have of this great soul.

    I know the tears you feel MIndy are for the great anticipated times with your Dad– I get comfort in knowing he is up there comforting Caitlin and her him– She was above her age in wisdom.

    Thanks for allowing me to share.

    God Bless
    Colleen

  7. Mindyon 02 Jun 2009 at 4:27 pm link comment

    Colleen,
    I have goose bumps after reading Caitlins words. Sounds to me as if Caitlin was an old soul. Wow, her words are penetrating my heart like a knife. Isn’t it funny how you find comfort in those that we love even after they have gone away? You think their physical form is what comforts, but the reality is that what we shared with them spiritually is imprinted on our souls forever so we will always find comfort in them. The finding of the dragonflys everywhere, the journal with her thoughts written down, the memories, their lives and the heart at peace…those are the miracles.
    I love you Colleen and I hope that you can share more of those moments with us.
    Peace

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