I’m gonna have to go to church! by Cliff Hazelbaker
This is a post that I found on my Father’s computer this morning. I don’t remember ever reading it before so I am really unsure if he ever posted it or not, but I found it and just had to share it with all of you.
Submitted by Cliff on Mon, 2006-05-22 15:48. Everyday Life
I drive a school bus as well as pastor a small church. Two weeks ago four of my sweet children got on the bus. Two of them, Jordan 7, and Brandon 9, are foster kids. The other two, Mary 7, and Emily 9, are adopted children of the same woman who fosters the first two. On this particular Monday morning they were the first four to get on the bus. As they got on they were all excited and couldn’t wait to tell me how they had been baptized the previous day. They talked and talked about this event in their lives. Emily and Mary told me how they would have to wear dresses from now on. Jordan announced that he couldn’t lie anymore. At least for that brief Monday morning all seemed well with the world in their little eyes. The problem started on the afternoon ride home. Emily accused Jordan of lying. Brandon screamed at Emily for being a tatletail, and poor little Mary just seemed depressed from being teased about wearing a dress. The innocense they had in the morning seemed all but gone. I asked them what would happen if they sinned after being baptized, and Emily told me they would have to go back to the church and repent. I then said, What would happen if they continued to sin. Emily said: "Well, you have to go down there", poiniting her finger toward the floor. Of course I have to be very careful what I say on the bus, but I couldn’t help feeling a great sadness for what was ahead in their lives. They were already judging each other and condemning each other—-sounds like the church doesn’t it. Toward the end of the week I had got to the school early and went inside to talk to some of the staff. Mary had been telling her teacher how she had been baptized and then in a kind of defeated voice she said: "I guess I’m gonna have to go to church the rest of my life". Aren’t those the saddest words you ever heard. How many people are going to church out of a sense of fear that if they don’t they are dammed to a place of eternal torment. When I encounter adult christians who strongly condemn me for my stand on grace I just try to remember they were little children at one time who may have been taught the gospel of fear and legalizm since they were very young. I will continue to try and reach out to everyone telling them that God loves them period……….And I will pray for these little ones.
Peace,
Cliff
I think it would be accurate to say that at one point in Cliffs life he choose to leave what he considered, “Traditional organized religion and there churches”, but i dont think Cliff ever left church.
Cliff was a teacher. He needed to teach Gods limitless Love as much as he need to breath. He didn’t care if his church was on a school bus with two or three precious souls listening , or in a teachers lounge with two or three fearful and quilt ridden school teachers.
Cliff also loved to engage the varied and many time highly emotional opinions of others, he was very aware that as long as others were listening and engaging him with there opinions that there was opportunity for them to grow and to know the God of limitless love the way he did.
OH, TO BE ABLE TO ARGUE WITH HIM JUST ONE MORE TIME!
Love Always
Doug
That is indeed a very sad story. I wouldn’t want to go to that church either. Who would?! Fortunately not all churches are like that.
And, Doug, ditto on what you said!
Love, Connie
Thanks so much for sharing that. Its just way cool to be able to still read his words. He really did understand the true meaning of what “church” really is. It has absolutley nothing with showing up to a building on a sunday but rather sharing the love of God with all you meet and he did that as well as anyone I know and I think it is cool how his family continues to do the same!
Let us all Learn to be more like Jesus, and Cliff and anyone else who lives in the knowledge of God’s all-encopassing Grace and Love.
I truly do have virgin ears when it comes to traditional religion , historical religion , or as far as that goes prehistoric religious beliefs.
Ive never had it(religion) to be a major effect on my life, one way or another. I always felt that there would be something that would let me know if it needed to be. I’ve never felt scared of God, maybe that’s because I’ve always had someone like Cliff or my parent to tell me I’m OK.
I have prayed to god, when I thought I needed him, but i didnt really expect him to answer my prays, I’ve scoffed him and cussed him,, I’ve mocked him and thought that his existence was a fairytale.
I can tell you, that I’m not even close to being done with all my questions, but once I believed that he loved me unconditionally, most of my questions didn’t seem to matter.
Love Always,
Doug
My brother died at 57, not 47, not 37, not 27, but between them years he dedicated himself to God and family with every cell of his body. He tried to understand man, god, and there relationship.
I ran the same cornfields with that boy, i sleep with him in the same bed and felt the same fears when the wind would howled or the thunder would roll through the stormy skies.
He didn’t leave me with the thought that i need to be more enlightened, or i need to be closer to God. HE LEFT ME WITH THE WORDS, “IT IS A PERFECT PROCESS, IT IS SO SIMPLE ”
Love Always
I wont bother you much more, but as i said i have alot of questions.
Why would there be a need to deliberate between any of us about Gods expectations.
Do i need to eat the lords supper every Sunday, do i need to be baptised, do i need to give a little something from what i earn? Can i play a rendition of Joe cocker’s (you are so beautiful) on my guitar in church. Why haven’t these and so many other questions, that separate churches been clearly answered?
Didn’t God send his son here, on earth for 33 years to to explain all this to us? Why dont all of us believe that Jesus even was here?
I’m not one that would consider myself super intelligent or even moderately enlightened, but i am a man that would think that if i had 30 minutes on the road from damascus with Jesus, i would clearly be able to tell you what GOD EXPECTS.
Do you think it is unreasonable for me to think that God should have given us an expectation that is universal and clearly understood?
OR IS THE KNOWLGE THAT HE GAVE ME, OF HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, ALL THAT ANY OF US NEED?
Love always
Hi Connie
I belong to a church congregation and at present I am staying there. I know the people in the congregation love me and want the best for me. I love them and care about them. The community that I belong to there is important to me. My church family love God and want others to know how much He loves them.
The trouble is, I am at the point where I really want to believe that God will save all mankind. I am trying with all my heart to believe that. To believe that there is NOTHING we have to do to ‘get right with God’ or ‘keep right with God’.
Thankfully, when I first started with all my questions and internet surfing, I looked into it and found out that my church denomination doesn’t have an official creed. Their statement of faith is “no creed but Christ”. So most of the time I don’t feel like too much of a hypocrite sitting there with my shaky questioning heretical beliefs.
However, having said that, I know from what is spoken from up front, and in our evangelical outreach and mission projects etc., that my church’s stand is that we are meant to believe that you have to come to Christ in repentance and faith, and sincerely ask Jesus to be Lord of your life, before you are saved from hell, or eternity without God. You have to at least cry out to Him in humility. You have to at least do SOMETHING!!!
Now, I reckon I might get away with believing in annihilation (with a push). Although I doubt I would be encouraged to promote the idea. But I don’t think I would get away with saying out loud that I believe there is NOTHING we have to do to get right or keep right with God. I would DEFINITELY be CORRECTED!! Even in a loving way. I am sure I would not be allowed to teach this idea at Sunday School. I am sure I would not be allowed to actively proclaim this from the Mission Committee.
I find myself saying less and less. I am having great difficulty with the idea of evangelising. Not that I ever found that easy. But I used to at least issue invitations to Outreach activities. I just don’t feel that I know anything much for sure anymore.
Connie, you said your church is different. But would your church really be OK with the idea that there is NOTHING we have to do to ‘get right’ or ‘keep right’ with God?
If you have found that church, I want to know where it is!
Julia
God did clearly give us the commandment to love. Abslutley NO question about that! I love what you wrote doug and I agree. Those arguments over the things you listed are, imo, absolutley ridiculus. Imo, if you want to do those things then fine, do them but just don’t force it off on others. And on the flip side, one shouldn’t force others not to do those things. Viva the difference!
My take on the whole going to church thing is there are some good folks who love in it and some good folks out of it who love. Maybe its about preference. Some prefer to gather or may even have that need stronger than someone else. I do believe that God made us different and we’re certainly at different places on our journey. I think the passion some carry about the opposition of church has to do with seeing so many people being hurt inside those walls when it seems church should be a place that absolutley does not abuse others but since it is made of humans, that will and does happen. And has been pointed out we’re coming at it from different sides. Doug posted about the apple on the other thread and I posted about the blind men and the elephant. Sometimes its just difficult to see anothers pov but when we can be open and honest about one anothers life experiences then we can see more clearly.
Julie, I do still attend church and the reason I go is probably very different from why others go and thats okay. I don’t feel hypocritical just because I don’t agree with everything is being said because I have yet to find a place where that is going to happen!
Some, I suppose would call my reasons for going selfish and again, okay with me but I did use to go out of guilt and obligation. Now, when I attend its because I have a desire to hear praise and worship or maybe just see my littlie sister and it does help that the preacher where I go now does preach of love and service.
Oh and Doug, It is quite possible that a rendition of Joe Cokers you are so beautiful on a guitar would be played. Another reason I enjoy going!
It is simple but we sure can complicate it, can’t we?
It’s not about what we do or what we don’t do, going to a church or not going to a church. It’s about whose authority we live under. One authority is seated in the soul of man, showing itself in people as a belief-system, seeks to live a good life as an example for others to follow, works hard to obey the rules and exhorts others to do likewise, judges actions by a measure of right or wrong, has an external focus, is locked into a mental consciousness and is characterized by seperateness.
.
The other authority is a life-giving spirit, is multi-dimensional and dwells within the heart of man, raising us from our humanness to see the divinity of our being. It brings us together.
Julia,
I won’t go into all the history of church and me, but just start with where I am now. I am currently attending a Disciples of Christ church (most of the time). I know there is a lot of variability within this particular denomination as a whole, but at this particular one they have chosen to not make any extraneous issues a matter of fellowship. They handle controversial subjects by allowing free and open discussion within the Sunday School setting and, as far as I’ve seen, folks can disagree and still leave friends and brothers. I would feel comfortable bringing up the possibility of universal salvation (I’m still not settled in what I believe about that myself), though I know that for most this would be a totally new idea and rather mind-blowing. I believe the expression of any person’s ideas would be accepted as long as that person didn’t insist that all the others see it his way.
I know (from talking to those who have been there a long time) that about 15 years ago they decided to look at the role of women. As a result of that period of discussion, women are now considered totally equal to men in every way, including leadership roles. Apparently they were able to make that change without too much uproar.
Honestly, I think in most churches the direction the church takes depends a lot on the guidance given by the pastor and this particular pastor is well-grounded in matters of “doctrine” (he has a doctorate from his seminary), yet is open to any kind of question and discussion. He seems comfortable within his own skin, if you know what I mean. Doubts are accepted as just a part of the journey of faith. A refreshing change from what I’ve seen in some places.
Church continues to be important for me, not because I think my salvation depends on my attendance, but because it enriches my life to show up on Sunday morning and stand with other Christ-followers and worship our God together. The time of communion is particularly important to me, as I find it strengthens me to actually handle and take the bread and wine and remember the time that Jesus met with his disciples on that night before he laid down his life for each of us. Knowing that there are others all over the world who are meeting and participating in this ancient, but meaningful ritual, is special for me. We may all have different levels of understanding of that event and participate in slightly different ways, but somehow we all believe in the mystery of the incarnation – God actually inhabiting this planet as a specific human being, then choosing to experience death to achieve our salvation. It makes no earthly sense, but matters of faith often do not make sense.
Don’t know if this has been helpful or not. A part of me wishes I could have just accepted the “faith of my father” in its entirety, as so many seem to be able to do. But, that just wasn’t possible for me, so I’ve traveled around kind of like a pilgrim and experienced church in several different settings. I have had to come to terms with the reality that where I am now (church-wise) may not be where I am in the future and that is okay.
May God bless you where you are for now and give you the direction you need if/when it becomes necessary to leave.
Love, Connie
A good church would teach children that in their baptisims the Lord has adopted them, and that He loves and forgives them always, no matter what sin they commit.
Connie,
Would a woman who has now been seen as equal be able to teach what she believes in that classroom. Take me for example. I would love to teach, but I would want to teach that God loves us all equally and that he sees us as perfect in his eyes. I would want to teach them that do not have to be afraid and that they do not have to do anything such as Audrey wrote of. Would I be able to do that or would they limit me?
Mindy, You would have the same rights as anyone else in the congregation to express what you believe. There are women teachers in this church, in fact the associate minister is female. I’m not sure how they choose who teaches in a formal classroom setting, but women are definitely treated as equals.
Connie,
I am not referring to being allowed as a woman to teach. I am asking if I would be able (male or female doesn’t matter) to teach those children what I believed in? Would I be able to do that or would they limit me?
Mindy, Good question, but I don’t know enough about what is taught in the children’s classes at this church to answer that question. I know there is a youth minister who has the overall responsibility for the children’s classes. Whether there is a planned curriculum that the teachers follow or whether it’s just left up to individual teachers, I don’t know.
Mindy, I do know that there is a church in our area that has teaching that is most like what I have heard from you. I have never been there, so I don’t really know a lot about it. It is called a Unitarian Universalist Congregation. I don’t know if there is one in your area or not. (I’m not saying you should try to find one or anything, as I know you’re happy in your situation as it is. I’m just mentioning it as a matter of interest.)
Thanks Connie for thinking of me, but the beauty of where I am at is that I am free and have no limitations. I have no need for 4 walls on a Sunday, Sunday night and a Wednesday night anymore. I don’t need that type of congregation, rituals or traditions (not that they are wrong or anything). I just know I can encounter amazing human life everywhere and be uplifted by the simple things in life like the river on a Sunday morning or baking myself in the sun while I look at the clouds or just go take an hour drive home and have coffee with my brother, sisters and my Mom. I don’t feel the need to be a part of an organazation that labels themselves. A label to me immediately begins the seperation of humanity and makes me feel like I am not equal or a part of something when I know that we are all a part of each other. We are all one in the same.
Mindy, I am very glad for you. And I appreciate that you can be glad for me in the choices I make that bring me joy, too. I understand that you feel that for you participation in church would bring separation. For me, it brings a sense of wholeness and a bonding to the rest of humanity. It’s all a matter of perspective, just how you look at it.
May you continue to be blessed and to be a blessing!
Hi again
Connie, I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to give me such a well thought out response.
I enjoyed reading your reply.
Thanks for your response to my comment too, Lisa.
Love from
Julia
Having had 30+ years as a participant in organized religious groups (churches), the main thing I’ve learned is that (maybe unintentionally), they do more to divide people than they do to unite. That is what drove me out.
I certainly understand that there are exceptions, and for those of you who have found those exceptions… wonderful! I thought I had found exceptional churches over the years too, but time proved me wrong.
Bottom line, I say “do whatever you have to do (even if it involves participating in organized religion), to feel that you belong to the body of God. Personally, I choose to believe that all of humanity is the body of God, and everywhere I go, and everyone I meet, are my church. Fellow humans are amazing creatures. All have value to me, and to God. I refuse to separate myself from them for religion’s sake.
The Christ did not come to start a new religion, He came to show love to all, and empower us to do the same.
Hey Bruce
So good to hear from you! I’ve missed your posts.
Julia
Me too Bruce. Always enjoy your sharing. Thanks. I guess I’m in the middle here. I certainly very much see “both sides” of this thing and suppose it is why I still attend but would not be considered a “faithful member” by my old way of thinking. Here’s an example of what mindy is talking about and where I’m at as far as still trying to process it all.
Last sunday I was in Florence which is 3 hours from where I live visiting my 81 year old mother in rehab and also my daughter and her children age 2 and 3. My daughter goes to a recovery church on occasion but they don’t have a nursery so it is difficult for her to take two small children by herself. She hinted that she’d like to go and the “old me” felt obligated that I should go and take her but the tired selfish me just really didn’t want to go. Even though where she goes its not required to be dressy I felt I would have had to dress better than I wanted to at the time so I suggested we take the kids to spring park and feed the ducks the old bread she had laying around the house. Like I said, I’m feeling some guilty for this decision because of the way I was raised and thats okay. I’m still working through it. Anyway we swing by get breakfast at Jacks and take it to the park. When we get there the ducks appear to be starving and as we began to throw them pieces of bread they surrounded us and my little 2 year old grandson and 3 year old granddaughter laughed with such glee screaming I want more bread to feed more ducks. Little Angela saw a baby duck far away and went to it to see that it got some and said, Boo-Boo (thats my grandma name) I fed the baby duck! I looked over at my daughter with tears in her eyes and she said mom, this is more spiritual than a church service.
We also encountered a woman taking care of her 29 year old handicaped son and her 8 year old granddaughter who had just lost her mom, this womans 31 year old daughter suddenly to a heart-attack. Had an amazing conversation with this family.
Again, though, I’m not saying that needs to replace church for those who still have the desire to attend.
Just wanted to share that. Thanks for letting me share.
Love you all!
Lisa P.
Mindy and I were at a softball game last night, we had a wonderful discussion about the journey she and I are on, and the great feeling of knowing that without doing anything we are saved.
Matthew 18:20 states: “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.”
Boy! Now you even have me looking up scripture!
Were we in chuch? Anyway with three ball, two strikes, a score of 9-10, bases loaded, Cliff throw the final pitch, struck the batter out and WON the game.
Thank you Jesus
Love Always
I love softball! My daughter plays and I love watching the game. It’s a great game of strategy and skill. About a month ago we went and watched a night time game under lights at the Softball Diamond used for the Sydney Olympics. They had upbeat music playing between innings etc. The umpires were grooving to the music. We had the best time.
Thanks Bruce. Good to hear from you
I really like what you say here: “All have value to me, and to God. I refuse to separate myself from them for religion’s sake.
The Christ did not come to start a new religion, He came to show love to all, and empower us to do the same.”
When I was 16 and searching for that one special, unique, different church that I could be proud to be a part of I COULD NOT FIND IT!! I swear I went to every Church in Richmond, Indiana. I was young, but not too impressionable anymore. I had experienced the “behind the scenes” Churches at such a young age and the devistation and disappointment was enough to teach me that I needed to keep my eyes opened at all times.
He started preaching when I was in middle school. I remember being so mad about having to go to a classroom and study while Dad was preaching. (hated that!)
In the end, here I am! I officially denounced organized religion at about the age of 18. I went through a really rough patch for a while because it is really hard to peel away the layers that I had formed in order to hide who I really was because I was never proud of myself. I had hidden who I was. I was told every Sunday that I had to do this or I had to do that for GOD’s Love and their were stipulations and rules to follow and when I didn’t follow them I was told to share it with the congregation by repenting and then I would feel better about myself, but you see it never went away…those feelings about myself. I was still afraid of me. I didn’t think God liked me because after every sermon I felt like according to what they said I should repent and this God they spoke of had to think I was a pain in the butt. It seemed like I was always asking him to forgive me and I thought I was taking him away from someone who needed him more than me. I always felt guilty of something.
I would look into the faces of all of these people who I knew loved me and I loved them, but yet were just as afraid as I was. I was so afraid to be myself with them for fear of what they might see because I was doing the same to them. My insides were fighting to get out, but I was so afraid and I just knew they weren’t going to like me.
Fortunately for me I had two parents who showed me to simply Love. It always felt like such a contradiction, but eventually it was what helped me peel away the layers. My parents gave us kids freedom to be who we are and they knew we would get there through love and their faith in love was strong.
When my Dad starting preaching I remember how much I loved to hear him practice his sermons before Church. I loved how much he wanted his sermons to be great. I am not sure he ever realized just how great they really were! He never needed to practice. It always ended up coming from his heart
When I stopped going to Church I always worried it bothered him, but it never did. He and I would always talk on a regular basis about love, life, religion, spirituality. I think we were always intrigued by each other. It was soo much fun! He was so cute and he knew I was really listening to him. He knew that I understood what he was saying. His heart was always so full of something more and he knew he couldn’t share it with his congregation because he knew they could not accept it in the Church. He had been through so many trials and tribulations with the Churches. That is why he had tried so many of them in his lifetime as well. But, he was afraid to tell all about what he believed. Eventually he could not contain himself anymore. What he had acknowledged had to be a part of his sermons and so he climbed up on the cliff, looked 40 feet down and jumped into the water!! HE DID IT! He started preaching this message to his congregation. It seemed like such a simple message, but Dad knew they were not going to allow it in the Church and once again found himself betrayed. How could they? They loved him soo much. Why was it so hard to accept him for who he was? Why were they so afraid of this simple message?!?!?
Dad moved on and this time he leaped out of a plane!! LOL…how do I describe him in his freedom?…happy, peaceful and full of love for himself, for mankind and for life. He couldn’t be contained anymore.
I was typing and missed all of the recent posts! What wonderful stories!!! In those times is when I feel the presence of something bigger than me and that love always takes me to a higher place!
In reading your posts, it is clear to me that we aren’t very far apart in our feelings re: church. For me, church is just as much at that ballgame with Doug and Mindy and at the park with Lisa and her daughter and grandkids as it is when I meet in a church building on Sunday morning. For the record and in the interest of full disclosure, though I have been in the position of defending those of us who still choose to “attend church,” I don’t want to imply that I am there every time the doors open, because I’m not. There are those who would consider me to be “unfaithful” in that respect, I suppose. But I quit worrying about people who don’t understand many years ago. If I lived in the same town that some of you do, perhaps I would be unable to find a congregation that “allowed” me freedom, in which case I might choose not to attend at all. I would miss it, though.
I love Doug’s “thank you Jesus” for the home run. I thank Jesus for every good thing that happens to me and to those I love. I try to be thankful also for the bad stuff, as I know it, too, has its purpose, but I’m not always successful in that respect.
I love you Mindy even though I don’t know you because I knew and loved your Dad so much. I also love Cliff’s other kids and Andy’s and Doug’s as well, even though I don’t know them either. I am growing toward loving all of humanity because each person is a child of the Father that I know and love. That is sometimes a little harder, especially in specific instances of abrasive personalities that I must bump up against on a daily basis. However, I am acutely aware that my personality isn’t always lovable, either, and I hope others can extend grace to me and love me anyway.
Hope you’re all having a good day!
Love always, Connie
Connie,
You are soooooo loved here!! I enjoy writing with you!!!
I wonder if the other team was “thanking Jesus” for the opposing team’s home run? I’m just sayin’…
Many of you have been writing about those deeper feelings when you connect with others and enjoy the moment. Here’s how Brian NZ explains one such event. I suppose most of you would have seen some of the coverage of the Michael Jackson memorial service?
The media are giving it heaps over here in NZ. It definitely moved a lot of people – in fact, I guess, millions and millions of individuals of all colors, shapes, sizes and ages from all around the world would have been affected.
Near the end, when Jackson’s little daughter came on stage to tell her dad how much she loved him, I bet even the most stony of hearts would have been melted. So what did you feel?
And more over where were those feelings you experienced coming from? It wouldn’t have been from Michael himself – he’s now dead. It wouldn’t be from that so-called God up in the sky that many people carry around in their imaginations either. He’s even deader – and in any case he wouldn’t have approved of many of the things that young Michael got up to. Let’s face it – he could be rather strange at times. But saying that does not deny he was extremely talented and he had the ability to trigger the deeper feelings in the hearts of many people.
So what were those feelings of peace and love that swept around the world and where did they come from? It’s been estimated that over a billion people were watching the service so millions would have been simultaneously touched. There is only one place these feelings could have come from – it had to be from out of us – our hearts – and universal too! They have probably been there all the time and the proceedings we were watching helped turn us to connect with that dimension. They only take a split second to reach if we switch the way we use our minds. We don’t even need massive concerts to prompt us to go there either. We can do it anytime. Right now if we want to!
Millions and millions of people all around the globe would have experienced this shift in consciousness but were probably ignorant of the significance. Our minds deceive us by exalting Michael Jackson or the performers on the stage – or whatever! This is only because our natural minds have always been trained to be “physically” orientated and we associate these feelings with what happens to be going on outside us at the time. This causes us to ignore the deeper feelings within and view them in their own right.
Think about it. Maybe there is a whole new world that we are carrying around within us and we haven’t realized its potential!
LOL Bruce, They probably weren’t, but i might as easily said “dam-it Jesus what were you thinking” if we woulda lost, but then I’m kinda counting on him to have a good sense of humor, Very nice to hear from you Bruce.
Love always
Oh, and Connie! I love your personality! Your stubborn as a mule, pretty as a butterfly, and sweet as honey. Just the way a sweet southern cousin is supposed to be.
Love ya cuz
Our human consciousness must be lifted up above the natural realm, lifted above the things of the earth, to be able to see spiritual things. As Doug referred – where two or three are together in MY NAME – MY NATURE, there I AM. When the two were walking to Emaus – who joined them spiritually? That same I AM. What did he do? He revealed or disclosed Himself! Where did this happen? Not walking on the road, but IN THEIR HEARTS. What was the result? They FELT his PRESENCE WITHIN THEM – “didn’t our hearts burn (fire-up, enliven) within us?”
.
The events I’ve given are not historical, they are events that are happening today just as your examples show but our human consciousness (relating such events to a game, a picnic, a gathering in a church or TV coverage) must be lifted up to the place where we can WALK in the experience of that higher reality (that is within us)
I have watched people my entire life trying to find the pure love of God. I’ve had them many times come to me, seeing what they saw as a sinner, damned to hell, and with tears in there eyes begging me to come to Jesus. There actions were always pure, they wanted to share with me the good news they had heard. I always left them with the understanding that i was happy for them, but i didn’t need anyone to save me,because i was happy just the way i was.
At that time (which has been most of my life) I had no idea that I would feel the way I feel today. I dont know if I was an agnostic or an atheist, but i knew i wasn’t a bad man and I was as good as the one on his knees telling me I wasn’t as good as him.
We have been trying to know, what we need to do, to measure up with Gods expectations for ever. If you dont think so, listen to Led Zeppelin’s song(highway to heaven).
The difference in my life now, is if u get on your knees and beg for me to be saved, ill get on mine with you and tell you the truth, that we are.
Love always
I love what you’re saying, Doug.
I don’t think for a minute that the message of the cross of Christ was about religious things, or rules, or anything of the sort. I think it was about “revelation”. Not about “how to be good”, but a revelation that an alternate reality exists… right among us. It is the reality of the kingdom of heaven in our midst, giving our minds a way to depart this illusion we move in, and join our rightful place… our inheritance. Some see this, and begin to move in that new reality. Some do not. Who knows why they don’t, but it’s not for us to say. They must, for now, exist in the illusion… seeking salvation from all that haunts them.
Coming to a better understanding of the reality of the kingdom of God helps free us from the illusion, and draws us into a new safety… a new peace. Sadly, many good folks let their fear force them to cling to rites, rituals, and ceremony… believing that they will find life in those things. And maybe we all have to travel that road until it exhausts us. Maybe we need to be defeated by the things our fears drive us to do… those obligations that we think will bring us peace.
But gladly, I am comforted by the possibility that the spark of God that dwells within us all will someday lead us into a new freedom that celebrates the richness of life that welcomes us into the new peace.
God has always been at peace with us, but the earth-illusion has convinced us otherwise. Jesus showed us the reality he lives in, and invites us all to join him… sooner or later we will all experience the reality of the peace of God.
Audrey, your comments alway strike a chord with my heart. Stay the course and keep sharing the wisdom you have been given. You words are inspiring and elevating!
Bruce, I have always walked in the richness of life. whether it be accidentally or on purpose, whether it was because i was told i am a gingerbread boy, that would grow wings if i jumped off a cliff, or because i knew if I wasn’t good enough it didn’t matter.
I do have a new agenda, that i never had before, and that is to share what i know, so that others can dance the happy dance in peace.
Love alawys
My Dad did some preachin, my uncle Jack did some to, my uncle Joe did alot, and was quite eloquent, if i might say. All three of these boys were raised by a man that thought a razor strap and some God fearing scripture, that he probably didn’t understand or follow, was all they needed to be good men. I dont know about the other two boys, but i know my Dad was beaten by grandpa as a boy till granpa had to rest so he could beat him some more.
This beaten boy is the man, my father, that taught, my brother Andy, my brother Cliff, and myself that we were gingerbread boys, as good as anyone, but no better then none.
I believe all three of grandpas sons saw throw the message of hate, fear and guilt that my grandpa lived by, and died with. I know that my happy dance will be a little happier when i dont harbor the anger i have for a man that could try and beat the spirit out of a man (or as it was a boy) that only knew how to share love.
Ill get there just not today.
Love always
Audrey, u said i need to be truthful with myself. Em i close yet? lol,
love ya
Thanks Doug. I’m ignoring the “stubborn as a mule” part. (Southern women are very good at simply ignoring what we do not wish to acknowledge.)
Doug, You will dance a happier dance when you don’t harbor that anger. It is and was a process for me. I had the same anger for same and more reasons. And you are right, you will get there! I did lots of writing, cursing, crying, talking and praying. I had someone tell me that this was a very sick man who probably was mistreated himself as a child and instead of being like our dads and breaking the cycle, he just continued it, BUT THANK GOD for those three awesome men who DID break that cycle and went on to have awesome children and grandchildren I might add
So today, I can honestly say I even wish to see this man again in heaven knowing that all the evil and bad in him will be burned away. But, believe me, it was a long time coming. You have no idea how much reading your words have been helpful to me.
Love you always
Lisa
Uncle Doug,
I wish I could squeeze you. Your words are so beautiful…hard to read, but beautiful. They are hard to read because I feel like my Dad is here and physically I know he isn’t not. The experiences you have had with my Dad as his older brother are wonderful to hear about…good and bad. I am so glad I still have you which gives me such a huge piece of Dad. Love you.
Audrey,
I agree with Bruce about your words. They do strike a chord with me as well. You should write a book! You are amazing!!
Bruce,
Man I have missed your words reading your thoughts. You are so poetic and I get goose bumps reading your words.
I am feeling so full of life reading everyones comments. I have felt so empty without Dad, but my cup is running over while I read everyone’s feelings and thoughts. This is an incredible place. I love you all!
What a wonderful post Mindy. I hope there are still more of these previously unposted writings left from your father. It is good to read what flows from his heart of bold grace.
And it is good to see all of the posts from friends and family of Cliff. I am sure that he is very pleased with you all. What a great group of people.
I am still in Dallas at Christy’s house. What a beautiful granddaughter she has given us. I will have to post some pics when I get home.
Cliff had a way of relating from his life experiences that always was so uplifting and encouraging and he always found a way to graciously share the unconditional love of God with all and any with whom he came in contact. It was such a privilege to know him…..and his family. Love you all.
Steve W,
I can’t wait to see pics of your granddaughter!
Bruce – what you said here just ‘lifted me up’, so I’m repeating it -You said, “I don’t think for a minute that the message of the cross of Christ was about religious things, or rules, or anything of the sort. I think it was about “revelation”. Not about “how to be good”, but a revelation that an alternate reality exists… right among us. It is the reality of the kingdom of heaven in our midst, giving our minds a way to depart this illusion we move in, and join our rightful place… our inheritance”. What you said makes so much sense.
Bruce Doug and Mindy. Thanks for making me welcome on your site, it’s great to travel with you, and hopefully we can be an encouragement to each other to uncover more of the truth hidden within us that we together may become ONE with the mind that is behind all things.