A Letter of Love
I miss my Father. Today is such a dark day and as I read through his posts during a dark part in his life I am reminded that this pain must be felt and that this pain has a purpose. I wrote a letter to my parents back in 2007 and he shared it with all of you. I want to share it again. As I said before it is a good reminder for all us out there experiencing the darker side of life that we can get through it and we can get through it together.
My daughter Mindy just sent us this e-mail and I just had to share it with the world. The power of this BOLDGRACE is beyond words but my little Mindy has a way of speaking about love that comes close to expressing it. I am so proud of my children. They wrapped me and their mother up in the most amazing love this past week while my wife & I experienced our darkest hour and they stood firm in the message of grace.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Well, it is about 9:30 at night and you & Mom have come home. Wow, I am happy.
I feel like time is slowing down, which is a good thing. Time is slow enough now for me to understand each moment and take it all in. I am on a natural high that doesn’t seem to be letting up. I don’t want it to let up. What I have learned from the most recent journey that we all took together is that the quality of the moment is what matters. “Mother Earth” wrapped us all up and gently guided us through this journey. We made it! We did it! We didn’t even question it. We embraced it. We learned to love and with each journey we go through we will continue to love and learn.
I didn’t think I could love my family any more then I already do, but I have. I love you both soo much and I know you know this. I will never let this connection go away. I am growing everyday and now that you both are free from religion I feel like my soul just said, AAHH!! I feel like I am ok now. You told me to follow my heart, but until you were free from religion I believe I was still a prisoner because I couldn’t do it alone. I always questioned myself and I think that made me angry and I am not angry anymore. I am not an outcast. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or disagree to just be a rebel and you know that. My heart was telling me something wasn’t right, but to know that we were all feeling the same way makes me want to sing!!
What you guys did for this family this past week was so powerful and I am going to make sure that for the rest of our lives you know that. I learned more about love this past week and it is a treasure that I hold near and dear to my heart. I literally watched you both grow as humans and I have never seen anything like it in my life. I have never seen two people more connected.
Thank you both. I love you more then you can ever imagine.
Mindy
As painful as this process is it is a perfect process.
The perfect process is waking us up to who we really are. We are more than our human DNA. John said in THAT day (of his coming) you will know that I Jesus am in the Father and you are in me and I am IN you. The word ‘cometh’ is erchomai – a present tense reality – comes, has come and is still in the act of coming. This word caused John to exclaim “He comes!”. JC said ‘I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. After a little while this world will not see my body any more, but you will BEHOLD me, (a spiritual uplifting) because I LIVE in you, you will LIVE also. In that day (now) You will know I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you (on the throne of your heart).He who has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me, and he who loves me shall be loved of my Fathyer, and I will love him and WILL DISCLOSE MYSELF TO HIM.
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Beloved if we are joined to Him we are indeed ONE spirit.
Audrey,
When you write I feel so connected to that ONE spirit. Thank you for your amazing words.
Much love goes out to you
Mindy
Maybe Jesus was right… we are all one! And he invited us all into his reality so that we could see that we are one with God, God is one with us, and that makes us all one with each other!
There are no words more cherished, then words spoken from the heart. There are no words more precious, then words spoken from the heart of the love for there parents.
There couldn’t be a prouder Dad then yours for all of his babies. He was an amazing Man, husband, and father. As a father he new that his children would follow him over a Cliff if ask to. As a mother you must now also know the power a parent has.
When he saw that fork in the road, he didn’t need to tell his children to follow him. He knew, that like little duckling, you would be right there with him. He also knew that he had no choice but to take it.
I dont know this to be true, but i would think there was a moment in your Dads life that he was hit like a bolt of lighting, with the truth. From that moment there were no choices. To be a good father, husband, and man, he had to be true to his heart. The was no part of your Dad that could live a lie, but more then that there was no part of your Dad that could let his babies live a lie.
Mindy, remember these dark days will open skies of brilliant sunshine, they will offer peace, love,and joy, to so many that hear you.
“The power of this BOLDGRACE is beyond words but my little Mindy has a way of speaking about love that comes close to expressing it.”
Children are the glue…
Love always
This is just beautiful. Thank you all so much for sharing!
I hope it is okay I post this here but I just needed to share with you all that my mom is back in the ICU in Vanderbuilt in Nashville and has been for over a week. She is improving and may get moved to a room today. I was with her yesterday when they were asking her name and she said Norma Gene White and they were trying to get her to say her last name and she couldn’t think of it so I said Jaaacckkk and she immediatley said Hazelbaker! I know that might seem small but it made me smile. Love you all!
Lisa,
That is wonderful!! I love the thought of you smiling
It is funny how the darkness can take hold of you. It is like standing still in a dark room and you close your eyes because it makes you feel more secure and you hope and pray the light comes back on soon.
I wait to see a new post from my Father. Sometimes I forget that he isn’t here. I wait to get a phone call from him telling me to go check out his new post and then I call him back and we talk about it. He was my inspiration everyday. He was my mentor. He was my best friend. It is hard to let go of all of that, but some how we get through this. God is with me at all times. I can feel that spirit within me. I can feel the guidance speaking to my heart. It is just harder this time around. The heart is a great deal heavier.
My light is always on for you Mindy, I love you!
He hears you mindy:
What must I do
How can I serve you
Is it true what I do is the way to be near you
I’m listening, though sometimes I can’t hear you
Looking around fills me with wonder
At the way you can keep this old world running smoothly
Thinking of you always seems to soothe me
I know you’re probably not a man or a woman
Or a time or a season
But I’m here, and life is dear
And I guess that’s a good enough reason
To say
Just let me do
What you put me here to
Let me be what you want me to be
And I hope it’ll cheer you
I’m listening, and I think I can hear you
Even when I thought I didn’t believe
You believed in me
And everyone is a part of you
And anyone can know you
All they’ve got to do is be
I’m listening, and I think I can hear you
Carole king
You have me in tears. I wonder what he saw? He was looking at something incredible. I could see it in his eyes…we all did.
I love you Doug and Mandy
Although I have not met any of you that share on BG, I do feel for you in your grief that, at times, still overwhelms you at the forcible parting from Cliff. Also the pain Lisa is experiencing, as well as the tender moments with her mother that make her smile. I know I feel this way because the spirit within me is the same spirit as in you. That spirit brings us together and there is no distance. If I am touched by what you presently suffer, imagine how much the spirit longs to bring you through this shadow into the realm of reality where there is NO death and NO suffering, and where soon we will be able to bring our loved ones back and never part from them again.
.
The spirit is not looking for those who want to go to a place called Heaven when they die but he’s looking for those in whom the MIND of Christ has been activated and whose consciousness has been raised to BEHOLD the Christ dwelling within them, and beginning to ’see’ that this ONE can express himself as the great I AM. This MIND within us is preparing his ‘called out ones’. He is calling out a people who HAVE HIS NATURE, a people touched by revelation. We are his temple – ‘I will dwell in them and walk in them, I will be their God and they will be my people’. In this age when so much ‘knowledge’ is awash around us, the greatest problem people have is that they have spiritual ignorance. Hosea says ‘ my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (of spiritual things). We cannot know TRUTH except by revelation. Truth takes us beyond the boundaries of the physical into the realm of the spirit. Here we touch the REALITY of all things. This wisdom is not learned from outside, nobody can teach you, it is revealed and experienced within you.
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Man did not originate from the physical world but came from the MIND behind all things who is spirit, so essentially we are creatures of spirit that live in a body. Our mortality is a consciousness that declares the reality of being in a body BUT, once we become AWARE, or ‘wake up’ to the fact that our REAL self is spirit, then we are no longer bound by mortality.
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Doug has been considering the difference between wisdom and knowledge – we must seek after the type of ‘knowing’ that reveals to us the things that have been ‘hidden’ until THIS DAY. The veil over our mind is ignorance. Luke (13, 32) tells us JC said “the third day I am perfected”. It is now the third ‘day’ since JC walked this earth. As we take our place with the ‘called out ones’ we will bear the image of the ‘heavenly’ in these bodies through the renewing of our minds (revelation of spiritual wisdom). And we will MANIFEST his GLORY. The spirit’s task is to bring the invisible Christ into this world and MAKE HIM VISIBLE. We truly have something to look forward to – let us press on and not give up or hang around waiting, let us help each other to uncover this wisdom within us!! The revelation of who we really are.
Lisa, i am so glad to here Aunt Norma is improving, and that you were able to find a reason to smile It is during times like your going through that it is so important to find those little smiles. Sometimes the can be more heart warming the a big ole belly laugh.
I think it is so beautiful that Aunt Norma was recalling her original identity. It speaks volume to her roots and to your father.
I have always thought it was such an amazing expression of love that woman are willing to change there name for the man they love, and i know your Mom wore the name Hazelbaker as a badge of honor. I mean who wouldn’t, we can jump higher run faster, and even beat a speeding bullet.
You keep looking for those little smiles Lisa, they are like rays of sunshine in a thunderstorm.
Love always
Just a thought…. one of beautiful nieces has like somewhere between 4 and 12 last names, but who’s counting. Maybe its time for her to wear her badge of honor…just sayin….
Love ya Ang
Ya, think i mighta been a jewish grama in a past life? Hummm
Love always
Audrey, so much of what you say makes sense to me. It is hard for me to believe that i am simply a clay vessell that will only know God completely with my demise.
It makes sense to me that my spirit began before my first breath, it makes sense to me that Adams wisdom was different before he ate from the tree of knowledge. It makes sense to me that the wisdom Adam had is within me to know.
What doesn’t make sense to me is if it is a spirit that is within us before our first breath, why dont we see it.
My gauge of purity, of perfection, the ultimate beauty of life in this earth that God so loved, is the children. So as i contemplate your thoughts, mine are asking me, why would a baby born with the wisdom of an Adam before he ate from the tree of knowledge ever suffer, ever cry, for food, warmth, the comfort of love.
Am i to believe, that i can feel this beautiful radiant love in its purest form in this life?
Love always
I’ve been at the hospital all day again today and its been so nice to come home and log on here and read all you all have to say. I just love this website and love being able to connect to family and friends such as Audrey. You are so smart and I have to read your post several times but I ALWAYS get something from them. I wouldn’t take anything for the last 2 days I’ve gotten to spend with mom. I am just treasuring every minute. Today when they asked her address she said, 517 willow street which is where she lived with her parents when she was young. It is cool how the mind does that.
Hey Ang, I got a couple extra last names myself
Today on the view they were talking about women taking the husbands last name and said Elizabeth Taylor always did and they read her full name which included 8 different ones and Burton Burton was twice together. I thought that was funny.
Eyes that ponder ominous skies
for visions unclear
hearts that listen for words
they’ll never hear
minds that dance in circles
swirling with the wind
believing in tomorrow
believing in the sun
crying for the life that has not begun
arms that weary heavy
seeking all that is lost
a naked cry, a simple tear
a wonder, a moment to ponder
the truth you fear.
The ominous sky.
Love always
A poem is thoughts between the mind and the heart. A poet is one that takes it from there heart to there hand.
Just a little wisdom for my bony legged girl.
Love always
I love this place.
ARE WE ALONE? Oh I know this is a crazy question, but here we sit with all our concerns about life choices and who has bony legs or who might have a chance of being married before they draw social security (just sayin).
They say there is like 4 billion stars that have the ability in just our galaxy to sustain a world that could support life such as ours. They also know there are billions more they can see.
I know Hazelbakers are special, but really how special can we be?
Do you think when God said he created heaven and earth he really meant just our world?
Don’t get freaked on me. Just one of them huuummm questions.
Love always
You didn’t freak me out at all. I use to think there was life on another planet, but after Dad died I suddenly felt alone. I thought that was weird.
I understand that Mindy. Its because of that very special connection that us girls have with our daddys. I LOVED being a daddys girl. Of course, right now I’m a mommys girl, too!! We are so blessed to have 2 very awesome parents. Not everyone can say that.
I love thinking about life on other parents. I also like how you’ve worded the question, doug. I know at first in life we think the world revolves around us and its all about me and then we begin to see okay, there is family and think we’re it, we’re more special than anyone else and then being brought up in the Christian faith, we think, yes, we’re special, and then as Americans we think, we’re special so yes, I wonder the same thing, is there more than just us earthlings!?!?!
Truth is, imo, we’re ALL special in our own way and if God did create life on other planets, then I’m sure He watches over them, too. It would be cool to meet them some day though especially if they come in peace
I am thinking about taking the Hazelbaker name back for good, I think my bony legs are keeping me from taking any other. ha ha. I love this place also Mindy. I feel safe here. When I read the freedom in everyone’s posts it makes me feel like I am at a summer concert, my favorite band, the sun is going down, beer in hand, favorite song coming up loud, loving life.
I just noticed I said life on other parents instead of planets. I guess you can tell where my mind is
Doug, you said, “It makes sense to me that my spirit began before my first breath, it makes sense to me that Adams wisdom was different before he ate from the tree of knowledge. It makes sense to me that the wisdom Adam had is within me to know.
What doesn’t make sense to me is if it is a spirit that is within us before our first breath, why dont we see it.”
‘
Firstly, spirit cannot be made known by use of our 5 senses – we cannot see hear smell taste or handle spirit, nor can spirit be divided. We are told that the natural man will never experience God in this way – and the spiritual world has nothing to do with ghosts. The only way to experience the spiritual world is within you. JC told us how – Repent,(think from your heart) and follow me. When you do this in a child-like trust, the spirit within you is activated, and at first it feels like a warmth within you rising up from your ‘gut’ feeling, you feel loved, and because this LOVE is a love that envelops all man-kind, it flows out to others like a river of pure water. You speak of love all the time on BG – this LOVE is far greater than a love we have for our family, (though the love of our children is a very close analogy of it),you have to experience it to believe it – the joy.the home-coming feeling and the power of our REAL father.
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Secondly, you said, “It is hard for me to believe that i am simply a clay vessel that will only know God completely with my demise.” This is not true, death is not your friend to take you closer to your Father. That is a lie from religion. Death is the last enemy! Your true Father dwells within you and is even now revealing himself to you – go into your closet (heart) andask him about death! In the words of the children’s song -
My own sheep said Jesus,
listen to my voice.
I know them and they follow me
I give them LIFE eternally
And they shall never, they shall never die.
Some of you on your journey will be accused of defection, desertion, abandonment, renunciation, rejection , and forsaking. Some may be accused of being a false prophet, or being Antichrist.
At the end of your journey, your resolve, your trust in your heart will
will give you peace and joy that your accusers may never feel.
My thoughts on this are brought to mind by an article i read today of a 16 year old Muslim girl in Ohio that chose to convert to Christianity. The result of that decision meant that her father must kill her.
Her decision means that not only she is doomed to hell but also her mother, therefore out of honor to her mother her father must kill her. I am not talking about 50 years ago or a thousand i am talking about today.
The traditional method for her father to maintain honor for his wife would be to behead her, but torture, such as dragging her bound through the streets till all hide is removed from her bottom and back is also include prior to her beheading.
As we sit here tonight she is pleading that our American courts dont return her to her father, and i have faith that our judicial system will protect her.
My first reaction to this article was, OMG, this is America! We have freedom of religion! My second reaction was how much different are we as Christians?
It seems that if you chose to to believe differently then the beliefs of the organization you are part of then you will be punished also. You will be thought to have committed the crime of apostasy.
If you are catholic, you will be excommunicated, if you are Mormon, you will be shunned, if you are a preacher, you will be fired, if you are a congregate, you will be excluded. Those who will do this will do it, in the name of God, and will feel honorable in there actions.
Maintain your resolve to believe in a God of unconditional love, of limitless grace, that is all inclusive, and in a God, that if you chose not to believe in him at all, we still believe in you.
Love always
Mindy ask. “I wonder what he saw? He was looking at something incredible. I could see it in his eyes…we all did.”
Nobody answered her question. We all wanted to. Maybe we should have. We could have, but we knew that answer was in her heart.
Love always