Every Reaction Becomes A Means of Discovery
I received a beautiful Daily quote the other day from my cousin Angie and never really took the opportunity to really read it until today. It is through JKrishnamurti.org and I found it to be just what I needed to end my week. It goes as follows:
As one becomes aware at the conscious level, one also begins to discover the envy, the struggles, the desires, the motives, the anxieties that lie at the deeper levels of consciousness. When the mind is intent on discovering the whole process of itself, then every incident, every reaction becomes a means of discovery, of knowing oneself. That requires patient watchfulness – which is not the watchfulness of a mind that is constantly struggling, that is learning how to be watchful. Then you will see that the sleeping hours are as important as the waking hours, because life then is a total process. As long as you do not know yourself, fear will continue, and all the illusions that the self creates will flourish.
I have been quiet this week simply because I have been emotionally bankrupt. I guess I have become aware at the conscious level and it truly did require a patient watchfulness. I have worried about my Mother every second of the day and it seems that the reality has finally hit me that we all have a new life to live…a new discovery. You would think one would be excited about a new journey or discovery, but NO, I am not excited, but I am willing. Every reaction I had about my life I shared with my Mother and Father over the phone or during a visit back home in Indiana. I loved self discovery. I became more and more confident about myself. My Mom and Dad are the two people I couldn’t wait to share it all with. It isn’t that I can’t share these reactions with them anymore it is just that I can no longer feel or hear my Fathers reactions. I can no longer feel his arms wrapped around me or hear the tone in his voice and the kind words he always had for me. The reality is that I must be patient with myself. I have to trust who I am and go through my process not fearing but learning from my discoveries and I am going to continue as I had before, but I will now do it knowing that my Father had given me the tools that he knew I would need to be confident on my own. I will do it knowing that he can see every discovery before it comes to me and he will smile at God and say, "What a perfect process she is." I will do it knowing that my Incredible Mother and best friend is still here to wrap her arms around me, motivate me and love me just as I am.
My Father wrote this just before he passed away:
"January 13th 1952, I was born and took my first breath, and i entered into perfection. I entered into life with a perfect god, and a perfect process to take me to the end. Now after 57+ years I have been able to observe that plan of perfection. And it has been glorious. Perfection is a state of being in a perfect faith connected to a perfect Creator. When we are connected to that state of being nothing that comes next will surprise us, and we will live in a constant state of peace and security that cannot be touched by insecurity and circumstances of what we think this world brings to us, because perfection cannot be threatened, imperfection does not exist and there-in lies the true peace of god. We find that perfection, we find our beginning moment once again and we are at peace."
We have found that perfection and we have found our beginning moment once again…we are at peace. Now we let it take us to the end and it will be glorious.
Mindy, Ive watched your growth since you were a little girl. Where you have gone with your life is not just amazing, but beautiful. You have blossomed into not just a perfect woman but also a perfect mother and wife.
You said: I can no longer feel his arms wrapped around me or hear the tone in his voice and the kind words he always had for me.
Listen to me baby girl. The consciousness of the human spirit only grows, it can stagnate,but it never digresses. What you feel today is a step toward a beautiful journey that will never leave you lonely of afraid.
The arms of your Dad that you so long to feel wrapped around you, the sweet comforting words that he would offer you, are now within your reach.
His arms as you knew him was of is flesh, his words as you knew him was of his voice, but the feeling you got from them was not from the bone and muscle from his arms or the reverberation from his throat. It was from the consciousness, the beautiful sprit of his heart.
A consciousness, a beautiful sprit that, has not left you.
Remember this, consciousness of of the human spirit can only grow, and will ultimately end with , peace joy and love.
The arms that you long to embrass you are, the words of comfort that that you cry to hear, are whispering in you ears baby girl.
Dance till the sun drys your eyes.
Love always
Thank you Doug. I love you
Doug
Are you channeling Cliff again? haha
Peace
Geo
Doug said,’His arms as you knew him was of his flesh, his words as you knew him was of his voice, but the feeling you got from them was not from the bone and muscle from his arms or the reverberation from his throat. It was from the consciousness, the beautiful spirit of his heart.’
‘
You are on to something here. That same spirit that Cliff shared so openly is WITHIN US ALL. That love that he spread around came not from the Cliff that was friend, father, brother and husband – the physical, but from the ONE WITHIN HIM who was able to be revealed because Cliff had, as much as he knew how, become an open conduit to the Master. Life’s circumstances, when we accept them as part of the ‘perfecting process’ are ours to learn from and to be able to stand, as Mindy said ‘confident on my own’. That same deep spring of life-giving water can only begin to flow from us if we cease to hang on to the coat-tails of someone else, and begin to dig deep within ourselves. That is the source of reality and we cannot get it by vicarious experience. It is a gift given to each of us and our job is to not just take examples we’ve been given to free us up, but to OPEN OUR OWN GIFT, and display that reality.
GEO, my brother shared more with me then i thought my ears heard. What i realize now is that he was always speaking to my heart. As my mind was disregarding his words my heart was not.
My last memory of attending church was when i was fourteen years old. As my parents would do the nicey nicey in front of the church after service on Sunday i would go next door to the gas station, sneak in the back door and steal hot grape soda.
My reason for sharing this is not to repent for the actions of my past, but to let all know that are listening that every day is a new beginning. There is a beautiful spirit in all of us, but it can lay dormant till we allow our self to feel it.
Our minds will subject us to so many roadblocks to feel this, it will use guilt, fear, hatred,unworthiness, but that beautiful spirit is still there in each of us.
If i am channelled Geo, it is because Ive felt a place in me that is within every person breathing on this earth that God so loved.
love always
Right On Doug!
RIGHT ON!!!!!!!
I LOVE reading your thoughts here on Bold Grace!
Peace
Geo
Wow! Lots of words of wisdom here and I thank you all. Audrey said:
“That same deep spring of life-giving water can only begin to flow from us if we cease to hang on to the coat-tails of someone else, and begin to dig deep within ourselves. That is the source of reality and we cannot get it by vicarious experience. It is a gift given to each of us and our job is to not just take examples we’ve been given to free us up, but to OPEN OUR OWN GIFT, and display that reality.”
That really spoke to me. I think for years I’ve never felt smart enough, good enough, able enough or whatever enough to really be of any good to anyone.
I’ve used the excuse “I can’t” to keep me from responsibility. I see this in my own daughter as she struggles so being a single mom. She is a good mother. I’ve seen her be one, but, right now she doesn’t think she can do it and its breaking my heart and I really don’t even know how to help her. She’s feeling overwhelmed and I do understand that feeling. I get aggrivated at her when she wants to just give up but, then, I have to admit she probably got that “I can’t” attitude from me. I so wish I could take all the pain away and fix this situation but really have no idea what to do other than to love her.
Not really sure why I shared that here. Probably because its the one place right now I feel comfortable doing so. Anyway, I love you all so and am so very grateful for your beautiful words.
Lisa, you said, “She is a good mother”, you are offering to your daughter the two most important thing a parent can give. Your unconditional love, and your belief in her as mother and woman. She wont give up Lisa, because she knows you wont give up on her.
Love always
Thanks Doug! I just talked to her a little bit ago and she sounded so much better and yesterday I finally did say to her, “You are a good mother and for some reason right now you’re just choosing to believe you’re not but Kenny & I were both just discussing how we’ve seen you be an excellent mother.” I didn’t think too much of it at the time but maybe that is what she needed from me, just to hear those words. I know she’ll still have tough times but maybe now she’ll go through those fears instead of give up. This place is such a comfort and an encouragement to me!