Trust by Doug Hazelbaker
Trust is a word that is loosely used to offer confidence from one to another. It is a word that is easy to use but hard to live up to. Many years ago there was a big ole fluffy orange Tom cat that resided in the basement of a very large old house. It had access through a hole under the porch, and it lived in its kingdom with the authority of a lion. It was only after the house was left with no human inhabitants and its food source of mice had moved on was it able to be captured. Its instincts to survive was compromised by its desire for food, so it entered its prison. Mister cat was soon set free at my country home in the early spring and found shelter in the barns and hog sheds near by. As spring broke and I began to meander out on to my deck I would see him warming him self on my rock wall in the sun. He would skedaddle upon the moment of my presents but return each day. After weeks of this he began to hesitate, just long enough for me to speak to him in the only language I knew in cat, and I would say ” Meow”. Many days of this passed and finally he did not run, he laid there with a Minuit amount of trust and finally responded with a , “meow”. Days and weeks again passed with the two of us periodically offering our banter of meows to each other. He became accustomed to me on the deck and I would offer him nightly a morsel of what ever i cooked, but he would never accept it in my presents, never coming even a foot closer to me then the rock wall. I would check each morning to see if what I offered was gonna, and it would be, but i never knew if meow cat had got it or Charlie dog, my golden retriever, had wondered upon it. Finally he took my offering and little by little day by day we got closer and closer till i was able to touch him. I have now become his trusted friend. He really doesnt know how to play very well, and he has really big claws, but he trust me now to the point I can touch the soft part of his belly. One of my sweet cousins Lisa said this a few posts back: “not really sure why I shared that here. Probably because its the one place right now I feel comfortable doing so.” It was because of TRUST. A site that offers TRUST with surety and confidence that you will not be judged. Only offering wisdom and truth, to the best of our ability. A word the founders of this site never use loosely , and know the true meaning of it.
Love always
As you have watched me dance my dance, through this maze of mystical, magical, religious quagmire, with a comical, questioning, and amusing energy. You must at times ask your self, dose he really take God, Jesus, or the bible seriously?
I can tell you that I take all three very seriously! It is only the bible that i found that should not be taken literally. The bible, I feel should be taken very seriously, but to take it literally would mean that every word our ancestors wrote is true and accurate, and every event that was witnessed was interpreted the way God intended and captured in writing the exact way God intended it to be.
It is just freakin amazing to me to think about Jesus (the man) before his crucifiction. He only lived 33 years. So you would have to expect that only about half his life would have been taken very seriously, prior to that he would have been to young for most adults to believe in or give much respect to, but in the short time he walking this earth he became so impressive, so amazing, that hundreds of years later men were writing of his words and stories of his life, and thousands of years later we are still discussing them.
I dont know about you, but i doubt that many will be giving much thought to me 50 years after I’m gone much less 2000. Maybe my perfect star will because i plan on leaving him with an indelible impression, but
hopefully not a scaring one, that will last him a life time at least.
Boy I’m really skipping around here on thoughts, but anyway, the bible offers me the thoughts and beliefs my ancestor heard from god, and recorded to the best of there ability, but mostly it offers me the wisdom of grace. So with that knowledge it really dosnt matter, if my interpretation of the bible is a bit askew from yours, or if you see it just a little bit different, because you see we are both serious when it comes to feeling the love of God, it is only when ones beliefs that the bible is literal that the oneness of Gods love is lost to (I)ness.
Remember, it is the “WORD of God”, not the “WORDS” of God.
Love always
A great illustration of TRUST Doug. Trust as you’ve said in your lovely analogy is like lying down and having the soft part of our tummy stroked. Trust is something we have as a child, coming naturally and strengthening if surrounded with love, but then we learn to dis-trust! Since first reading this post I’ve been considering why this happens, and the old saying ‘once bitten, twice shy’ came to mind. We misplace our trust, and get hurt, so we pull back our trust-feeling to guard against being hurt again. We become wary and cover our trust with an outer ‘protective’ shell until the time comes when we feel comfortable enough to reach out tentatively, as a sea anemone does, one tentacle at a time.
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We seem to have to relearn trust by taking a risk. JC understood this often announcing his presence with the words ‘Fear not!’ and entreating us to become like little children, trusting, able to take a leap into the unknown. Why did he have to say ‘fear not’ to his disciples who should have known him well, after all they had been with him constantly. Yet when he came to them, walking on the water they were frightened, their eyes tricking them into thinking he was a ghost. Only one was ready to take the risk, leave the boat and go to meet him. The others clung to their sense consciousness, the boat they could see and feel – even though it was going nowhere, just round and round in circles on the lake.
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You would think that the one person we could trust would be our inner selves! But, for some reason we prefer to use life-long learned tactics and ‘test things out’ through our 5 senses, rather than open our hearts and trust those deep feelings within. How many times have we heard the expression – ‘unless I see with my eyes and touch with my hands I will not believe’? But someday we become ready to ‘take the risk’, putting aside our sense consciousness and begin to walk on the water realizing that here at last is REALITY. This I think is where our friend Doug is, taking a leap, getting out of the boat and finding that following his inner deep feelings is walking on the water. Good on you Doug, may many others be encouraged by your action and find the courage to do the same.
In the words of Ringo star: “whats the matter”?
Love always
Desperate desires is an emotion, a feeling that will consume us all of our lives. Seemingly to be an uncontrollable need. A desire to feel what is rightfully ours to feel. An emotion unstoppable, unreasonable, but always unsatisfying.
We will rationalize that our needs are deserving. We will excuse our actions saying no one else understands my need. We will repeat them over and over, with the same result. A result leaving us empty, but still feeling deserving of our need.
I’m A 60 year old man. The reason i can say these things is not because i learned them in a book, a doctrine, a philosophy, i learned them by living this life.
It is not denying desperate desires that i am interested in telling you about, it is making you aware of them. There are some worthy of feeling and embracing purposefully, meaningful, worthy, of your desire, but most will leave you lonely especially if their is desperate desire.
I was stuck by an overwhelming desire the other night. I know my circle of angels are saying , “PLEASE Doug i dont want to know”! You need to listen my angels, no matter how much it hurts!
This week has been very hard, my wife was gone allot, i spent allot of my time alone thinking of my own desires. It was late on Friday, my needs were growing, it was with a weakness of my natural desperate desire that i chose to fulfill it regardless of the consequences.
I knew i needed something sweet. The only thing i could find was a Betty crockery sugar cookie boxes left on the top shelf of my pantry 5 yrs ago by my daughter when she was living with me.
My desire was desperate, and even knowing the age of my cookie I choose to taste it. I added my egg, and my butter. I warmed the oven to the right temperature, and i cooked it the proper time. It was so beautiful, till i tasted it. It was vile to what i knew to be sugar cookies, it had lived a life in a laundry room and needed to be tasted by someone who could feel its beauty. It left me empty and still needing.
All the ingredients for my sugar cookie was in my house, i just didn’t know it, or how to put them together, i didn’t have to look on the top shelve of the pantry. i just needed to look in my heart.
Love always baby girls
look in your heart first
My last thought tonight will be about, pubic hair, caught in the elastic of old underware.
Is it erotic, or iritating to you? Its a debate that has many levels. Its a thought that cause some to go,”hum” and others to go “ouch”, but mostly its a wasted thought.
I have so many thoughts, so many questions.
THERE ARE THOSE THAT CAN OFFER SO MUCH MORE THEN MY SUFI STUDENT.
THERE ARE BEAUTIFUL MINDS, THAT HAVE CHOSIN TO SIT SILENT.
Is it the hum, or the ouch they fear?
Everyone im talking to knows who you are.
IS THERE A REASON YOU WONT SHEAR YOUR HEART?
Ill buy you new underware….
My really last thought will be of the GOD that will be with u as you cook your eggs tomorrow morning.
Remember he is all encompassing. He is the pantheism of what you cant see. He is the connection between two grains of sand in a rolling tide, and the light of a distant star burning out a thousand years before you know. it, AND HE IS THE BEAUTY IN YOUR HEART everyday…
LOVE ALWAYS
MC,wants the last word, and i I’m gonna let him have it.
He says, “to love the fleas in your life, but dont hold them close”.
dam stupid cat
Love always
You know i wont let that dam cat have the last word. i mean come on , hes so stupid.
My last word will be on the Universe. As you try and figure out how do I fit into a God that can feel the touch of two grains of sand in the sea. You need to remember you are the likeness of him.
Love always
really last thought… remember to pull ur pants down when you pee! awh that’s for Andy,,, sorry!
Remember you would be better off peeing in your pants, then to let someone touch your heart that dont really feel it.
LOVE ALWAYS
My mind is exploding with the tears of a thousand stars. My eyes are blurred by the ignorance of a life time of questions. My body is weak from the journey to nowhere.
Only my heart continues on.
I love MC’s idea: “love the fleas in your life, but don’t hold them close”. I will remember that!
I love MC!!
This morning my thoughts are about the newest calamity in the Philippines. And the people who lived in shack housing around the capital city Manila. They have been caught in floods caused by a deluge of rain that normally would fall in 4 months, but instead fell in 6 hours. Many hundreds have drowned and more torrential rain is expected. I knew some of these dear people. Last year I visited my daughter and her husband who were teachers at Brent International School, built on a man-made ‘island’, high above the rice paddies. Clinging to the walls of this island 15m below, was a village built entirely of found objects, branches and rubble with plastic sheets overhead. I visited the people living there often, drawing them in my sketch book and giving them plastic-coated photocopies of the finished portraits. They were a happy bunch, content with the little they had. They welcomed me into their homes, proudly showing the newest baby, the other children giggling as they watched me at work. Their portraits became decoration, pinned to their walls. They washed in the stream caused by ‘run-off’ from the island above, and subsisted on the crops they grew, while harvesting rice for an income. All I knew of their language was a greeting, but they touched my heart and this morning I groan for them as I look at my sketch-book.
Continents and miles separate us Audrey, but I now with you, feel the anguish in there hearts and yours. There beautiful sketches are now lost to the devastation of mother earth, but there beautiful thoughts and memories, that you gave from your heart and hand, will carry on, for them, you, and now me.
Live fully, and love wastfully
Love Doug
As we forge our way down this mucky path. A trail of twists and turns rocky and slippery at times, a road of swampy confusion, and unreasonable devastation blended with the occasional solid foothold of wisdom,and knowledge of the perfect meadow of sweet Jasmine flowers, and the the brooks clear pure truth, just around the bend for us to taste.
We must give pause to bone weary aches of our heart, the natural pain of our mind.
Our mind tells us.. God is the wind-life giving
Our hearts tell us.. The wind is God- a life within
Our mind tell us .. God is the rock-our strength
Our heart tells us.. The rock is God – all encompassing
Our mind tells us .. God is love-your peace
Our hearts tell us.. Love is God-as we are
There are no rituals, creeds, kneeling, tasting of cracker, grape juice, or crossing of your heart, required, demanded or expected of you to feel the hand of the prince of peace, or the warmth of God.
There are no fallin angels, there are no imperfect souls.
THERE IS ONLY YOU AND GODS LOVE TO FEEL….
As angels whisper in the universe, my heart is with you Audrey
Love always
Sorry, but MC has been listening to a bit to much Waylen Jennings. He would like to say…
“if your an angel with a broken wing that has flown to close to the ground, that the winds of Gods love will carry you to a cloud of soft warm safety”
Dam cat
Love always
This will be my last thought, because my wife will be home soon and i need to spray glade air freshener to hide the smoke, yeah see I’m not allowed to smoke in the house and she is an officer of the law that carries a gun.
Was Jesus a christian? i think not. Was Jesus a Jew, well maybe, but kinda half heartedly. i dont think he would sign on as a muslim, a catholic a baptist or a mormon, he wouldn’t want to be part of buddhist, Methodist, or those ones that all ways leaving them pamphlets.. our ya latter day saints.
These are all labels that man want to embellish, not any of which i believe Jesus would recognize
Ya see, i think jesus walk this earth to give us grace, and to offer us the wisdom of gods love, so what name do yo wanna call that? What church do you want to start in its name? How separate do you want to be from its purpose?
I am happy to just be loved by God…. LABEL ME LOVED
lOVE ALWAYS
You amaze me, Doug.
you are a friend Mat that sees more then i am, a fellow traveler that i felt from your first words, a man that feels what i feel.
love always brother
I have broken angels, sweet baby’s, that only want to feel the sweet taste of a moment of love…. Loves of my life, babies of my heart, precious souls anointed by the tender love of mothers and fathers that only want them to know love.
They cry with there broken wings silently alone, not willing to feel the eagle in there heart, or the trust of there beauty, to fly alone to an island of peace.
A PLACE THERE MOMMY HAS LOOKED INTO THE EYES OF, WITHOUT FEAR, AND A PLACE THERE DADDY EMBRASSED WITHOUT FEAR.
DANCE BABY GIRLS
till the sun drys your eyes
love Uncle Doug
My last thought will be on SHARING….
My circle of angles, have so much to offer.
One feels the touch of the universe, and can whisper its secrets
One can speak from the heart of love
One can dance on the rim of a bowl of tears and pain with a smile
One can sing to the heavens and still kiss the ears of crying babies
One can boldly step into the muck of life, and never look back
One stands like the bull on the hill top protecting all
Don’t hold back bgs and b’s, there is nothing to wait for, the love in your heart said what he needed to say, and they nail him to a cross, and he would do it again.
You saw ur uncle/ dad cliff do it, this aint b/s, step up for others girls..
Love always
THis will be a first , MC GETS LAST WORD.
MC SAYS, do unto others as you do unto yourself ,,, is selffull
He says, ” do unto all of Gods creation as God would do”
Dam cat
Love u Audrey
You know I’m not gonna let that fuckin stupid cat get the last word.
GOD created a perfect world, a world of beauty and love, a world that now can only be felt in the hearts of those that feel him…Man feels that we have fallen from the perfection of his creation, oh boy , how silly is man, how insulting can we be to God.
We by sin are domed to a life of repent and sin, and more sin and repent, and ultimately a hell Mary that we will meet his gracious needs to be in his arms… left with a life of guilt, depression and false hope that we meet a level of righteousness.
Even my little sufi student, that finds lickin his ass more important then the next sunrise, realises that’s crazy.
My belief is that God not only gave us grace, but also gave us the consciousness to rise to a level to feel it as we walk this earth.
MC, says id be better off trying to lick mass then believing that, but i believe he is just barely a a level above man.
love and goodnight.. MC AND ME TO Audrey
OK, mc really gets last word.. ITS NOT THAT BAD.
He says: “A kingdom can only be entered, with an exodus”
Hum? dam cat, What the hell did he mean?
goodnight all
love you A
LOVE Aways
I now am with you Audrey, I NOW AM WITH YOU, your not alone as you groan, as you cry…
love