BoldGrace

The Title to this post is Dedicated to my Mom. Before my Dad died he found this song by Jon Bon Jovi and he LOVED it!! He would play it loud and sing it with all the passion he had. Now Mom is playing it and using it as inspiration and it has been a great message for me…Love ya Mom!

One of my favorite quotes (and I have no idea who said it) is this:

“The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle.”

Most the time we walk around here on earth with the assumption that we are to follow whatever is in front of us. We are so afraid to get off the path and feel something different, question things, use our own minds to wonder and experience what is new. We can have such cookie cutter mentalities. I saw this saying that said. "PBS mind in an MTV world". And how true that is. Have you ever imagined a different life? A life where you aren’t just treading water? I love that we have choices. We can sink or we can swim. Everyday we ask ourselves deep down inside…what will it be today?? Am I going to work harder on the life that I really imagine?

Only my heart and my mind can acknowledge what is real and what is an illusion. I truly believe that we are here to learn how to see ourselves again the way God saw us in the Garden and we were perfect then and we are perfect now. We have allowed fear to create illusions. I am not saying we should see ourselves as better than others or to put ourselves above anyone, but instead to see ourselves below others. Put others above you and I mean put everyone above you. The ones that you thought were sinful and wicked?…yep, them to!! Change your mind set and look a little deeper. They are more perfect than you and me.

 I am married to an incredible man and I have an amazing daughter and what they give me is strength, courage and peace of mind that I am learning by doing some really incredible things in my life. They are proof of that. Am I finished? No, I don’t think I will ever be finished. For the first time in my life I have realized that I have so much more to do…and whatever it is that I decide to do it will be incredible whether it is to struggle or to survive. The rest of the world may see my life differently, but here in the last few months I have realized that it is only my perspective that matters when it comes to my life. People will want to tear it and shred it and manipulate it to be what they want it to be, but this is my life to live. It’s now or never and I’m not going to live forever!!!

LEARN TO LOVE…and LOVE TO LEARN

Since it’s Sunday I thought a few words from the Rev. might do us good!

By the way Hazelbaker Family they are from Indianapolis, Indiana

GO REV. !

I am going to share with all of you a piece of what me and my family are blessed with. I got an email from my brother…not unusual, but this one was different. Here it goes…

Hey Dad,

I was sitting here at my desk thinking about you, which is not unusual. It’s been almost 6 months since you’ve been gone and I often talk to you in my head. I never share my thoughts, but for some reason I thought I would send this one out to all the family. Today is no special day, but I can’t seem to get you off my mind. My job is going very well, although I’m busy, I still love what I do. Thanks to you and your great example, I’m confident that I will always exceed and excel in what I do. (I can’t let you out do me). Bridget and the kids are doing great. Bridget is still keeping me busy. I wish I had her energy. She amazes me. I’m so proud to be her husband. You would be proud of the kids. Their sports are doing well and they are all doing great in school. Everyday I see signs that everything you studied and taught is still working. Bobby is probably one of the biggest signs. Tammy and he have had to deal with some personal issues and the best part of it, is watching how Bobby has been reacting. (You would be proud) I know they both still have a lot of work, but they will get there. (I just wish everyone was like me.) We have all struggled with your passing and every single one of us is dealing with it in our own way, but one thing is for sure, is that we all still connect with you in some way. I’ve been watching those ghost shows on TV and everyday look for some kind of sign that you are around, but down deep I know I will never here your voice or see a shadow of you, but I still look. I hope everything is what you thought it would be like. I’m sure you are having a better time than us. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still happy and I still love my life. I would just love it a little more with you here. Mom is doing great. She would beg to differ, but you would be very proud of her. Her strength has been amazing. Her love for you is has been even more amazing. I know she looks forward to the day she gets to be with you again, but you will have to wait. We still need her here with us. Loosing you was hard enough. We are taking good care of her, but for the most part she has done everything herself. She still worries too much and she is still right about most things, but like you, this is what we love about her. (I won’t tell her that you planted the mice and moles.) I’m 36 years old and everyday I see people that still have their dad around that are older than me. I can’t say it makes me mad, because I know they didn’t have the relationship that we had. I was very lucky to have you around. I could keep going on, but I need to get back to work. Love you big guy and talk with you later. p.s. I watched the biggest looser last night and thought I would go on a diet today, but of course that didn’t happen. I also ate a big bowl of cereal while I was watching the show. (Those fat asses) ha ha

I want to share a story with all of you about my evening out last Friday. I want to share it because it made me realize that when you really open your eyes, your heart and your mind you can really see the miracles.

This is a picture I took from that night. Isn’t it gorgeous? I just went to the lake by myself that Friday. I needed help maintaing my peace and serenity and normally I would call upon my Father for help…I guess you could say I was trying to call him that night. People are right…the pain never goes away, but soo much comes from that spiritual time alone. I was looking into the sun watching these cotton ball clouds wrap themselves around the sun. It was as if they were giving the sun a hug! The sun kept peeking through shining itself upon my face. It felt good since the wind and the water were keeping me a little chilled, but I also had my warm blanket and some chips and salsa…gotta have the chips and salsa! LOL

Do you see the hugs??

I walked down this trail and found this little place out there that is secluded. It has a picnic table and a fire pit so I sat there for a couple of hours just talking to my Dad and thinking, thinking, thinking!  I had just asked him a question… wishing I could truly hear his voice respond, but knowing that I would never again hear his sweet little voice… I asked him this: "Dad?, did you do as much as you possibly could while you were here?" and about that time my phone went off. I had a text message from "Dad".(you see my Mom took over my Dad’s cell phone after he passed because it was easier and his number is still in my phone as "Dad") I immediately started crying because I called my Dad and he answered. I opened my phone to read the text message and it says, "What are you doing?". The other miracle in this was that the text message read: LOVE NEVER FAILS. You see my Dad always preached~~ LOVE NEVER FAILS which is from the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. He preached it so much that all of us kids had "LOVE NEVER FAILS" tattooed on us. But the crazy thing was that at the end of that text message instead of my Mom’s signature saying "Nancy" it says, LOVE NEVER FAILS. Needless to say I couldn’t text my Mom back. I had to call her and share my story with her. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this was truly my Father’s way of letting me know that he can still be called upon and that he is waiting on me and he is waiting on you.

Open your eyes for the Miracles. I guarantee you will see one everyday for the rest of your life if you do.

I want to share one more thing. My Dad and I love music. We always shared our favorite songs so this one is for him:

"I’M ALIVE" by Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well

It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin’ in and out’s a blessin’ can’t you see
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well
I’m alive, and well

Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul, when there’s not a soul in sight
But this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive, and well

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin’ in and out’s a blessing can’t you see
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive, and well
Yeah I’m alive, and well

Thanks for FREEDOM!