Hey Dad by Cliff Hazelbaker III
I am going to share with all of you a piece of what me and my family are blessed with. I got an email from my brother…not unusual, but this one was different. Here it goes…
Hey Dad,
I was sitting here at my desk thinking about you, which is not unusual. It’s been almost 6 months since you’ve been gone and I often talk to you in my head. I never share my thoughts, but for some reason I thought I would send this one out to all the family. Today is no special day, but I can’t seem to get you off my mind. My job is going very well, although I’m busy, I still love what I do. Thanks to you and your great example, I’m confident that I will always exceed and excel in what I do. (I can’t let you out do me). Bridget and the kids are doing great. Bridget is still keeping me busy. I wish I had her energy. She amazes me. I’m so proud to be her husband. You would be proud of the kids. Their sports are doing well and they are all doing great in school. Everyday I see signs that everything you studied and taught is still working. Bobby is probably one of the biggest signs. Tammy and he have had to deal with some personal issues and the best part of it, is watching how Bobby has been reacting. (You would be proud) I know they both still have a lot of work, but they will get there. (I just wish everyone was like me.) We have all struggled with your passing and every single one of us is dealing with it in our own way, but one thing is for sure, is that we all still connect with you in some way. I’ve been watching those ghost shows on TV and everyday look for some kind of sign that you are around, but down deep I know I will never here your voice or see a shadow of you, but I still look. I hope everything is what you thought it would be like. I’m sure you are having a better time than us. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still happy and I still love my life. I would just love it a little more with you here. Mom is doing great. She would beg to differ, but you would be very proud of her. Her strength has been amazing. Her love for you is has been even more amazing. I know she looks forward to the day she gets to be with you again, but you will have to wait. We still need her here with us. Loosing you was hard enough. We are taking good care of her, but for the most part she has done everything herself. She still worries too much and she is still right about most things, but like you, this is what we love about her. (I won’t tell her that you planted the mice and moles.) I’m 36 years old and everyday I see people that still have their dad around that are older than me. I can’t say it makes me mad, because I know they didn’t have the relationship that we had. I was very lucky to have you around. I could keep going on, but I need to get back to work. Love you big guy and talk with you later. p.s. I watched the biggest looser last night and thought I would go on a diet today, but of course that didn’t happen. I also ate a big bowl of cereal while I was watching the show. (Those fat asses) ha ha
Life is beautiful-the laughing and the crying. Love you all so much.
I’m shaking so hard right now, I really can’t reply.
I need some cousin and big sister time, can that be arranged?
I LOVE my Husband!
October is a good time for bonfires, chili, hotdogs, marshmallows, purple smirnoff’s…. How about a couple of weeks at my house? Everybody?
I just keep thinking, My God I am blessed! My cup overflows.
But, just so you all know. I am still Dad’s favorite LOL
I think bonfire, dogs and marshmallows sounds wonderful!!!!!!!!!!
I know the rain that is pouring from the skys above has to be the proud tears of your father , Cliff..
Uncle Doug
~I LOVE YOU GUYS~
I love the sharing, you are such beautiful people. Arms wrapped tightly around each other, hearts beating as one, legs entangled in a warmth of a family of love, but i am the brother of a man that saw beyond the marshmallows and the sparks of a campfire.
As you eat your smores, and relish your burnt hot dogs, did you hear anything that offered question to your believe on here lately?
I did. I heard reference to John of Patmos the author of Revelations.
Could it be that the book of REVELATIONS was written by a false prophet?
Is there anything in this book that makes since?
It seems to contradict everything i know to be true.
Who should one believe Paul or this guy sitting on an island hallucinating?
Don’t walk this earth in an unquestioning cloud of acceptance, look into your heart for the truth, beyond the canons of confusion, the only truth is from the lips of God, not from a book in a bible.
Love always
Its kinda late but I choose to brave the cold rain, and step out to have a smoke since my dam cat tells on me if I smoke in the house, i decided while I was out there I would also relieve myself off the edge of the deck, not an easy thing for a hazelbaker to do on cold night in the rain, but I braved the elements long enough to ask myself a simple question.
How much different would my life be if for the last 59 years, I would have believed in a God of love, instead of a GOD? hummm
I guess it wouldn’t have changed my moral compass much, it wouldn’t have changed my love for my wife or family much. It wouldn’t have impacted my work ethics or my honesty, but it would have allowed me to live the last 59 years without guilt, fear of death, without shame. It would have softened my anger, and made a good heart greater. It would have offered me a beauty unclear with eyes focused on a God of fear.
I believed in A God all these years, and id like to tell you it would be better to not believe in any God then to believe in a God of fear, but i did.
I also believed i was as good as anyone, it was that tread of strength that let me live long enough to no the truth.
A truth that lets you stand in the cold rain of a brothers tears and smile….
love always
i have one more thought, it is a thought that has been on my mind for the last couple weeks. It is of the quest for LOVE. We will do almost anything to have it. We will lay awake all night long to hear a whisper of it. We will lose weight for it, we will cry for it, we will beg for it, we will be something we are not for it.
We will give our life away for love, only to realize that you cant be given love, you can’t , buy, pursued, influence, or convince love, but we can have love, and it begins by loving yourself, knowing that you are loved, and worthy of it, and only then will you know true love. Once you feel that love you wont beg, cry, plead for another’s love, but you will truly know it when its offered.
Love always
Geo can tell you himself, Tammy, I am Cliff’s favorite. (Right after Mindy)
We need some family time!!!!!!!!!! I am soo ready for a bonfire
Matt you are good!!
I ask a bold question the other day, I ask if “John of patmos could be a false prophet?” I know my circle of angels think i should stop questioning and simply accept the grace of God, but as i walk my journey into this magical and mystical love of God, acceptance is not something i do easily.
I have now read the book of Revelations twice, and i am now twice as confused. The book leaves one full of fear. It is chock full of plagues diseases, angels lacking any mercy, a God of fear, and an impending doom that most of us need to be saying “HOLY CRAP I’M SCREWED!”
As i told you from the beginning of my journey, I began it without fear and I will end it the same way. This book has not changed that for me. There is only one kind of God that will touch my heart, and it is a God of love.
I have came to four simple conclusions after reading revelations twice. I am going to list them in order as to what my beliefs are, and I would like the followers of this site to help me in a little poll. All i ask you to do is pick one of my conclusions or offer your own.
(a) John of patmos visions have already came and passed.
(b) John of patmos is not the same John we read of in the rest of the bible and his visions that he writes of have not came to pass and never will.
(c) John of patmos is a prophet of a God of fear, and we are all screwed.
(d) John of patmos live on an island full of mushrooms lased with psychedelic drugs, and meadows of peyote
(e) OTHER and I need to continue my journey…
Im still having fun, are you?
Love always
Hi Doug
I understand exactly what you are saying. Can’t wait to see the results of the poll.
Julia
I don’t have a brother any longer to help me with these confusing questions that leave us walking in the muck Julia, but there are those that follow this site with 15, 20, even thirty years of knowledge that lead them to a wisdom of a loving God, it is them that all of us wait to hear from.
Love Doug
Doug,
I believe that the book of revelation is about the war of religions.
I would go into more explanation, but that is all I can give for now cause I can’t quit yawning :0 The book is complicated and confusing for everyone which is why noone can really explain it…and that is just my prespective.
Interesting idea, Mindy. When you are more awake I would be interested in further expanation. I haven’t heard that perspective on it before.
Julia
Thank you Mindy, I yawn also, every nite as i wounder, but every night i see your dad, i know that my love will go on, with him telling me there is nothing to fear, his love once touched is a love of a lifetime. HE WAS A MAN OF QUESTIONS, as i will be.
He told me i was safe in Gods heart ,and i will trust that with my last breath.
NEAR FAR WHEREVER YOU ARE LITTLE BROTHER YOUR HERE AND THERE IS NOTHING I FEAR.
I know that i probably talk to much on this site, and i realise i have may have stepped on Audrey’s toes with my questions, but it is my love for God that triggers my curious nature.
Before I lost my brother i would have been asleep by 10:00 and awake by 06:00, but now my mind wont stop, or my heart, i don’t know which.
My mind tells me to dump all this bullshit and return to the beginning of my journey, my heart tells me to continue.
I cant continue here with out help, i don’t want to leave my little brother, but i need answers.
I will contine to forge the muck of confusion with a questioning mind, and i will walk my journey alone if i need to.
crying eyes, love always
Doug
Have you ever heard Mike Williams teaching on the book of Revelations?
If not send me your phone # and I will call you and we can discuss it.
Just click on the CONTACT Button on the top of the page and email it to GEO
Once you hear the truth about Revelations you will rejoice!
Peace
Geo
Geo, thank you so much for that suggestion. I became a member of his site today, and i have started to listen to his audio tapes. I can tell you that so far I am very impressed.
I am going to take some time to digest Mike Williams teachings on revelations, and then i would very much like to take you up on your offer to discuss it with me.
Peace, love always
Doug
Doug, if you have read that book twice and don’t see it’s relevance for you right now, then it is NOT for you right now. Taking on board other people’s teachings, no matter how ‘good’ they appear, will not o-p-e-n the book for you. You KNOW where the answers are and who your teacher is. It’s all within you. Circumstances in this life will all help to push you to discover more and more of the liberation you’ve felt. If you’ve temporarily lost that feeling, and things have got a bit misty, and you’re feeling a bit lost and you think you are drowning, feeling sorry for yourself and upbraiding yourself for not understanding then you are looking in the wrong direction, outward and not inward. Love will never make you take on board more than what you need for this moment, and it’s all in allowing your heart to ’speak to you’. That inner voice knows you and loves you, listen to him.
Doug, Revelation is one of those books which has been analyzed and discussed by interested seekers for a long time. There are several schools of thought related to what it means. I tend to go with the one which, simply stated,says it’s a revelation from God to us to let us know everything comes out all right in the end. While on the earth, we will have trials and tribulations, but, in the end, good will triumph and we’ll go home to be with Him in a place that’s beautiful beyond human description. Cliff would say that it will include everyone, and I hope he’s right. However, at this point in my understanding, I see the promise as made to everyone who calls on the name of the Lord. My understanding of scripture, including the book of Revelation, leads me to believe that we have a choice of accepting or rejecting the invitation. (I realize that doesn’t match up with what most on this site believe, but you did ask for opinions, and that is mine.) May God continue to give you peace and joy in your journey! As always, your cuz, Connie
Connie thank you for your thoughts on revelation. I know that you, as with Cliff, and many others on this site have had a life long relationship with God. A relationship that I am sure has lead you into a dark and shadowed woods of confusion at times, but also walked you into the warm and sunny meadows of bliss and joy. Your opinion is, and always will be important to me, because we both have the same goal, to walk with with the love of God in our hearts.
Audrey, I think for many reading revelations for the first time it can be a Grace Buster. I also realize that any common mind that tries to have a rational literal understanding of it would be left cowering in fear, but my heart tells me there is nothing to fear, and i will continue to listen to my heart.
I will always stand solid in the belief that God loves me, always has and always will, from my first breath to my last, and I know with that simple wisdom I will walk above the muck of confusion I was wading in.
lOVE ALWAYS Doug
Revelation 2
To the church in Ephesus
“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
1These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
I believe just within this first request to the Church of Ephesus the Lord is telling them, “Hey, I know YOU THINK that what you have, what you are, and what you will be doing is right and the rest are wrong and you work so very hard for me, BUT you have forsaken your first love (ME, the Lord) which was in the garden of Eden in the very beginning. If you can get back to that point, which is where I told you that you are perfect, then that is when I will give you the tree of life. I will give you the peace of knowing and understanding.
Mindy, that helps me so much, I am definitely reading this book from the outside in, instead of the inside out. A mindset so easy to have, but sometimes so hard to undo.
Thanks kid, for a little dingbat you are so cool.
Love Uncle Doug
LOL, I Love being your dingbat!! That is hilarious! You made me laugh out loud here at work!!
By the way…HELLO CONNIE!!!! I have missed you
Hope you are doing well.
Veni vidi vici revelations, and i still walk in the warm love of redemption. A journey that will take me to salvation, in this life. A path of light, brighten by each moment and each step. Touched by a power unstoppable, unbelievable by most, but beautiful by all that feel it.
You now have seen me falter and weaken, as all mankind will do when they fall short of the love Jesus had for us on the cross. You saw me question a God of love, but what I didn’t see for a moment, was Gods love for me.
I have my own opinions now beginning to develop in my my heart, beyond my mind, of the revelations that a God of love would wants me to feel. My feelings are not articulate enough, or conclusive enough to share, but they are certain enough to tell you that the prince of peace gave his life for the redemption of all that walks this earth(that God so loves) and he did not fail his Father.
LOVE ALWAYS
Mc, says I’m leaving to much JESUS crap on you.
He SAYS… and he such a dumb ass cat… “That if you follow the trail of mice turds it will lead you to supper”
dam cat
Love always
That dumb ass cat is all curled up in a world of tranquility, thinking he just shared an enlightenment that will take you to the end of the universe.
YOU KNOW i wont let his boney ass have the last word.
“The hunger of peace will be found at the end of a trail of truth, a trail that begins with love”.
Dam cat
LOVE ALWAYS
My last thought tonight will be for my circle of angels. You have known me for a lifetime. A quiet man, that only shared an opinion if i thought it would make a difference for the ones i loved.
You have seen a different man since April 16Th of this year. Difference is not always bad it is just different. I have seen some of my baby girls be different. I have seen some of you stand up for yourself, I have seen others recognize yourselves, i have watched some pity themselves, but mostly i have seen all of you protect each other.
You’Ve shown a love that survives gramas, grampa’s, dads, moms, aunts, uncles. I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU.
Remember this kids… keep your legs entangled with those you love, always let your heartbeat be felt, and never let anything come between those two things.
love uncle Doug
i am wanting to sleep now, I’m feeling a bit of peace i haven’t felt all this week. I don’t know if it is because i have let jesus touch my heart again, or i have let myself touch his heart.
I know that i am not smart enough to know all that i know, but i know this, whether it be his hand on my heart, or my hand on his we will walk hand in hand together.
IF YOU YOU GOT ANY INPUT BRO GET ME A GOOD SEAT.
love always
Doug, I believe what you have found is true freedom! – The peace that passes all understanding – Phillippians 4:7
Love you forever!
Love will never fail you!
Your Sis
Hey Doug, Thanks again so much for sharing your awesome thoughts. I’ve believed different things over the years and as I would study, learn and grow my opinion would change from time to time about things I was just sure were true. A friend of mine use to say when you know you don’t know then you know. I will say this though, through it all, the fact that love is numero uno and love never fails and Christ is love and God is love only seems to get stronger and stronger in this journey of learning. Thanks again cuz and don’t ever stop!!!
Cliff taught the grandchildren this saying – Learn to love and love to learn
Simple but powerful!
What part of eternal life do you think you will get? Any? All? When will you get it? The day you die, tomorrow or did you have it yesterday?
All you chuchie people for a lifetime have been dancing on the John 3;16 scripture. Ive seen it placard to crosses that god loving people drag across this country, Ive seen it flashed at my favorite football game, offered to me in pamphlets by devoted young men and women at my door step. John 3:16 might be the only verse i could quote from the bible,but i i wont cause i am somewhat dialectic also i now am somewhat dangerous cause i can copy and paste.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”.
WHEN DOSE ETERNAL LIFE BEGAN? DOSE IT BEGAIN FOR WHOEVER BELIEVES. Where is the beginning point? There is nothing in that scripture that tells me that i must die to know everlasting life.
I believe to know God is to know everlasting life, whether that was yesterday, tomorrow or with your last breath.
Love always Doug
My last thought will be of all the laws you can read in the bible. There are so many. I mean come on, if you can prove your new bride was not a virgin, then she must be stone to death, holly crapoilly there is a bunch of you in trouble with just that one law. If you’ve ever been an adulterer you and the one you screwed up with must die, sorry.
We have found reason in all them biblical laws not to follow them, I wounder why. Is it because the kingdom we live in today doesn’t require it? humm
I’m not done with this thought, but sleep well, no one is gonna show up with stones, not by the God i love, or by the one that loves you.
LOVE ALWAYS
MC, is begging for the last word, he is such a baby cat!
He says: It is better to bed with a dozen mice on a cold night then to freeze to death alone any night.
dam stupid cat
I promise, I’m feeding him to the coyotes, tomorrow…. IF HE EVER COMES UP WITH A GOOD LAST WORD I WOULD LET HIM HAVE IT, BUT DAM!
“It is better to spend one moment in the warm love of God, then an eternity without him”.
love always
I had dinner tonight with my new redheaded girlfriend Lila. Lila lied to me she said she was younger then i found out her to really be..but because she is so beautiful i will forgive her.
Her nurse said that her records show she is 4 years older then she told me she is, she said she was 99, but she is really 103. Do ya think God keep her around just so i could tell her how beautiful her red hair is, or so that she could tell me how much she loved her daddy?
Love always and always wondering…
I love Lila. Thanks for sharing that story. I’d love to talk to ya’ll one on one sometime and share our “Lila” and moms and mil stories. This experience with mom really is bitter sweet. Bitter in knowing she’d so much rather be home and sweet in being able to see all these awesome caretakers and the sweet precious elderly as they near their last breath and the different way that is handled. Some complain constanty, some just holler out, some rock their sweet baby dolls and some just say very little but smile and let you know they are grateful and compassionate. I do know this is all in God’s perfect plan and perfect process, thanks to you guys, especially for helping me to see that more clear each and every day.
I’m leaving in a little bit here to go and visit my precious grandchildren. Angela is 3 1/2 and Jack Dylan Arnold(named after my dad) was 2 in July. They are about 3 hours away and it seems like its been a very long time since I’ve seen them. These are my daughter, Tabitha’s children and of course, it’ll be good to see her too
It just strikes me sometimes how life is a vapor. I think of my mom at 82 and what she’s dealing with and what all she’s been through and the changes in her life, stages, and body and then I think of those babies and their futures and wonder like the song says, will I be pretty, will I be rich, ca sa ra sa ra what ever will be will be. The futures not ours to see ca sa ra sa ra.
Love this site and love you all!!
Tell MC to keep those “last thoughts” coming. I love coming back and logging on and reading what I might have missed
Hey Doug and MC
You always make me smile.
Love from
Julia
17″Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.
I spoke of the law, and i ask you do we follow the laws of God? I gave you examples of some laws that we don’t follow. Is there a reason we are above Gods laws?
If you work on the sabbath, shouldn’t we kill you, exodus 35:2, If your a male and get a hair cut , you gotta die, and it goes on and on..
MAYBE its the last three words of that versus that let us dance our happy dance,Maybe EVERYTHING WAS ACCOMPLISHED on the cross, Maybe we don’t need to pick and choose GODS LAWS, maybe JESUS fulfilled them, Maybe all we need to do is feel his love.
Maybe you just heard the truth of a God of love….
LOVE ALWAYS
MC, wants to say:
“That claws of fear will take you to the top of a tree, but paws of love will wash your body clean”
I love that cat…
love always Doug and MC
the touch of the gate keeper
opened to the lost
buried in tomorrow
melted by a cross
wading in the frost
a wondering heart
tempered by confusion
refusing the beginning
laughing at the illusion
amused by the start
the touch of a gate keeper
closed to the blind
awakened by today
remembered tomorrow
by truth that it finds
the gate