PawPaw
It’s been over 6 months since I lost my hero, my best friend. My grandpa has taught me a lot. Ever since I could remember he told me never to forget something. That something was Learn to Love Love to Learn. He would ask me everyday what he told me to remember and everyday I would say it proud but I never knew what it really meant. It’s not about what it means because it explains itself if you really sit down and think hard about it. I would sit and think to myself all the time to figure out what it really means but when you really think about it when it explains itself there is really no explanation for it. When I finally figured it out I decided to get it on me for good and it is now tattoo’d on my shoulders. I am so proud to wear it on my skin because it means so much to me. I sometimes have people come up to me and ask me if I am Cliff Hazelbaker’s grandson and I reply yes but really have nothing to say because I am just speechless. I loved him greatly he was the person I would always go to and talk to about my problems. Sometimes I resort it to anger because all of my problems are mostly kept to myself and just keep piling up. He was my hero, he never judged anybody he let people in his life with open arms without question. I believe he has everything right. There is no hell. Our sins were dealt with when Jesus died on the cross. To see my family stick together the way we are is amazing to me. We have been through thick and thin and still we stand strong. That is because Love NEVER Fails. Thank you all for reading this. My grandpa was an amazing man and touched many lives. But most importantly he will always be in my heart and if i could get one wish I would wish to see him just one last time and get one more hug from him.
Josh you are a beautiful person. What you learned from your Grandpa will carry you through your whole life. All we need is love. Love is all we need.
Josh it makes me feel so good to read your words i thank you for that. amazing he was and although that seems quite generic because he was so amazing and so much more. In my 64 years i have seen alot and known and know alot of people, but i have never had the pleasure of sharing what your paw paw shared not just with you but with multitudes of people. when he realized his time was short he presented an example that will be hard to ever live up to,but just think what we can aspire if only we try our best to follow his AMAZING EXAMPLE im so proud that you are on that lifes path. love you im just an uncle and can never fill those shoes , but always know im here.
I love you all so much…I am so proud that I am a Hazelbaker. Even when times are so hard I don’t know how to deal with them, I know I have a family that is by my side and would never let me fall.
Josh, I wanted to share with you something. I was your age when I lost my grandpa Hazelbaker and I know I can not compare my loss to yours,but I felt very cheated that everyone else got so much more time with him but I know thats not true because I still have him everyday. Every night before I go to bed I look at a picture beside my bed w/ grandpa holding little toddler Jacob. Sometimes I talk to him and sometimes I just go to sleep knowing that I always have him in my heart and in my FAMILY!
love Sarah
Josh , your grandpa was such an amazing person, and he had such a special way with words. He had the ability to share his wisdom of life with words that would take what seems to be so confusing and complicated, and make it crystal clear. You will be comforted the rest of your life withthe beautiful word he shared with you.
One more thing Josh… You was his HERO also, and you still are!
Love Always Uncle Doug
Josh, Your grandfather specialized in making people feel especially loved. Even across the miles by e-mail, he made me feel special - and I was only his cousin. So, I can just imagine the relationship you shared with him and how much you must miss him. You have a tremendous heritage to spend your life enjoying and sharing with others. May God continue to bless you and all your family. Love always, Connie Hazelbaker Lard
MC SAYS: When Da big CATS walk into Da ‘HOUSE OF STEEL’ they gonna claw dem Rusty Nuts till Da house fall down!
Dam cat–he is so competitive
A single kick in the head of a big cat by a pony, will leave them puurrrring under a buckeye tree like a kitten!
GoooOOO CoooOOLTS!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS t the Cats from Cincy! Hope we (Steelers) get to the playoffs and we get to play again this season. Let’s see.. The last time we played Cincy in the playoffs IN Cincy we went to and WON the Super Bowl.
Peace and Rust
Geo
OH yeah that same year we beat a certain team from Indiana too!
Peace & Rust
Geo
LOL, GEO. love ya brother
peace
JOSH you got me thinkin about something you said in your post, and its always dangerous when you do that. You said “if you really sit down and think hard about it” ya know kid that’s something most of us wont do, but its always worthwhile when we do, so i did.
“LEARN TO LOVE, LOVE TO LEARN”. How bout them words. When you think long and hard about’em It dont matter if u say’em forwards or backwards, it dont matter if you spin’em in a cirlcle, or flip’em upside down, sracmbl’em any way you want and each and everyone of them are perfect. Any one of them will guide you to the place you want to go, even the word To. he didn’t say “love for learning”, or “learn and love” he said TO.. You are going to a place in your life Josh, because you have learned to love, and because of that you will love what you learn.. trust your pawpaw kid.
love always Uncle Doug
JOSH, im gonna tell you a story about you Uncle Doug that i dont think ive ever told anyone, maybe not even ur aunt Cindy, so i kinda hope she dont read this one, but its about me when i was about 16.
I had a date with a beautiful girl one summer night, she was so attractive, but she was like 6′1″ and i was maybe if i lied a bit 5′6″. It was a very charming date that lead us to an old farm pond that we both decide to skinny dip in.
We removed our clothes, and with her holding both my hands we walked, with her walking backwards and going into the water first into that pond. He modesty took her neck deep into that old pond, and it took me lip deep and two nostrils shy of the love i thought i felt. I let go of them hands of love, and backed up the bank to the truth of life.
Now i can tell you that if that girl woulda been your Aunt Cindy I would have learned to breath with the fishes then to back away one inch.
The truth of love is always in your heart kid…
Uncle Doug.. dont let CINDY READ THIS
MC SAYS; If your chasin mice, run by the ones with jelly on there tails, and catch the ones with stars in there eyes..
where dose he get that shit from?
Dam cat
The beauty of youth, is there is a lifetime to feel the truth of it, love to learn , learn to love.
Doug
Ya know JOSH, this will be my last thought, but it will be of something that few know or remember.
When i was a little boy I was baptized in an Alabama river by a good man named Charlie Coil, and then i was baptized in a bathtub at a church of christ in south bend Indiana a few years later, and then i was baptized April 16th 2009 by the love that God sent to me by the trust in the heart of your pawpaw. Which one of those baptisms do you think let me feel the truth, the joy, the peace, i know?
MAN.. to feel it at your age, how sweet would that be?
Love you Kid…….love to learn
MC IS DEMANDING THE LAST THOUGHT… he says if u stick you nose on a mouse hole you will be left with an empty appetite, if you crawl into the hole of a badger you will be the menu, if you chase a mole throw a dark tunnel you will be left dirty and confused, but if you trust the hands of truth you will find a lap of love.
stupid ass cat,, where dose he come up with this crap
ya gotta love him
I think, MC, gets the last word,, he says, I love you JOSH.
HAVE YOU READ THIS JOSH.. You are now one of them.
This site is about bold grace. So bold and so far reaching that many, especially in the religious communities, can’t accept it. There are five of us at present time that contribute our thoughts and experiences concerning this BOLD GRACE . Our names are Bruce, Cliff, Geo, Mindy, and Steve. Each of us have different stories to tell about how we got to this point but one thing we all have in common is the unbelievable peace we each have found in the understanding of this grace in which we stand. We are not here to sell you something or to make you converts of some new religion. We are simply five fellow travelers who have been searching most of our lives for peace and when we finally gave up God showed us that this peace had been ours all along.
You are now one of them kid.
Love Uncle Doug
My really last thought tonight Josh will be about the trust of your heart. My angels, your mother, and your aunts, will tell you that i can go on and on here. I talk a lot of shit, and i have touched their heats with the beauty of life that i dont even come close to understanding. I have pissed em off with the truth as i know it, and i have raised them up to levels of love that they dont understand. I have been a man that could feel a lie as much as a coon dog can feel a flea on a July night, but i didn’t know the truth of this life till your pawpaw, my brother offered me a hand that let me feel beyond my mind, and let jesus touch my heart… i aint perfect kid but I’m a whole lot better then i was, and yah know what , i relized i wasn’t to bad before.
love u , and pawpaw says love to learn…Doug
This last thought will be for my angels, that tuff ass nephew, and that beautiful sis of mine, that dont know how these Holiday’s are gonna go. I’m gonna telL you how there gonna go.
Were gonna hold each other, were gonna laugh, were gonna cry, and were gonna make the ones we love feel us from here to the end of the universe.
Because we are what he lived for us to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE NEVER FAILS
Ive said some good shit tonight ain’t I, MY GRAMPA GOODWIN would be proud, and he would always leave u with a poem, that with a tear in his eye would leave you wanting… ya gotta love your pawpaw this is for you grampa G
thanksgiving is a day we should have
its the reason the purpose for our light
a love that said you cant thank me enough
a cringing darkness of what is right
the silence of the lose is never fair
the truth of tomorrow feels like today
tears of the night are never gone
washed in wasted words i cant say
family of love in a landslide
holding on forever
hands locked in love
hearts wrapped together
thanksgiving is a day we should have
hearts entangled in love learned
minds touched by learned love
with a serenity of trust unconcerned
love your pawpaw
HOLLY CRAP, i really thought i was done for the night,but i peed. I gotta get up early and work with my boy to help him install a new furnace in an old house, but its all good, cause i will have all day to send a message to him. The same one im gonna leave you with, but ill have the fun of spreading it out with him alllll daaaay.
THE BEAUTY OF YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE UNDERSTOOD BY YOUR MIND TILL YOUR HEART KNOWS IT. awh he’ll think im crazy too, but i think he already dose, and he still loves me.
goodnight all..love always
I know where to go to find the strength I need, but nothing seems to motivate me to get there and grab hold of it again. I get up every morning like a robot and run through the day with the normalcy and familiarity of yesterday and the day before. I use to get up each day excited about what may come next and ready to take on whatever may come my way. Right now I just want to get through the day as quickly as possible in hopes that tomorrow will be the day where I find me again. I am tripping over all of the moments that normally teach me to be humble, but now I am falling down with skinned knees angry that I can’t just get through the day. I knew then and I know now that my Jesus is with me because he resides in me and he is whipsering so softly and kindly to me telling me he is with me and it will get better. I am sure he is even crying for me, but I have chosen to ignore his whisper and his kindness and instead have chosen to wallow in my sadness and selfishness. AND I know my Father layed out an incredible blue print for an incredible life, but how do I find the courage to go out on my own again knowing that my mentor isn’t going to physically be here to hold me and tell me that I made it through when the rain is finished falling. I had 34 years with a man that taught me what Love is. He taught me to look into the eyes of a stranger and love them for they have a story that only God knows. Who is looking in my eyes with love? Do they know that my anger right now stems from a pain that I can’t begin to describe? What moves us forward? What moves us through these moments in life where we can’t find the air we need to breath? My journey awaits me, but my shoe strings are tied together. When will I find the strength to simply untie them and keep walking slowly awaiting the next precious moment?
Just rest, just breathe. We’re not always meant to be running. Jesus doesn’t hold us to a standard, dont feel bad for not measuring up to your own. Do your best and rest, Let God be God and he will let you be Mindy!
You a such a beautiful girl Mindy, and i am going try and walk with you tonight on your journey for awhile. I want to begin it with you holding the hands of your brother, and your sisters as a pure sweet baby girl. I want you to remember the giggles you had when mom and dad said its time to go to bed, I want you to remember your mothers cool hand on your brow when you were sick, and your dad soft kiss before you went to sleep, I want you and your brother and sisters holding hands as tight as you can to walk with me for awhile.
Do you see the blue, green and red sparkling light of all your Christmases, can you smell the spices and cakes of all of your birthdays? Will you walk with me for awhile longer? Are your hands still tightly held to your brother and sisters? Hold on tight to them cause i need all of you to walk with me.
Do you feel the tears of your first heartbreak and the comforting truth of you mom and dad saying it will be ok? As the four of you walk together now as beautiful moms and dads, husband’s and wife’s, I want to walk you by the by the moment of love you felt with your first baby, and i want you to hold my hand as you remember your cool hand on your babies feverish brow.
We are going to end our journey for tonight kids at that beautiful blue spruce tree that we all stand in a circle around every year to remember to love we have.
The hand you held tonight Mindy lead me and you and your sweet brother and sisters to that tree of love. I wont never let go of your hand no more then he will, no more then you would Abby… you’ll be ok baby.
LOVE till the pain sparkles like the lights of your first christmas.
Doug
I had a good day today, i spent the day in an old dark basement with my son. There’s a lot of asbestos and mold and god knows what down there, and he was wearing all kinds of filtration masks. I lite a cigarette up and he said “Dad, its not the 70s go outside!” awh that was my opportunity, and i said “to be judgment without cause will leave you alone”, and i went outside, then he came outside and said “I’m ready for your help”,and i said “impatients will make you old” and i came inside. Then i said “the colts are gonna win the Superbowl”, and he said “they’ll choak”, and i said “haters die a slow and painful life, trust the truth” it was a good day and ill be back with him again tomorrow. lol I’m not done with his bony ass.
love always
All of my mind is wrapped in the beauty of my family. I have walked a lifetime only letting there beauty touch me. A touch that this mind would die for, a beauty that i was always aware of, a sweet love as pure as new snow, and as welcome of a morning sun.
I almost feel guilty to share the truth of my life as it is now. Its almost impossible to explain. I have stepped into a plain of life that i hope i can forever feel. My mind misses my little brother, and my senses still smell the cornfields we ran through, my mind will always miss my little brother, and i will remember our entangled legs of the bed of our life, my mind will always miss my little brother, and i will remember him to the day i die, but my heart was touched by the truth of love shown to me at the end of a cornrow by an angel. I now have entangled legs with the beauty of an angel in my heart..not my mind.
I do not walk alone in this life.
I walk with a brother, a father, and a GOD.
If you walked with me tonight, you walked with you daddy..
love my angels
MC is all over me, he wants me to call the president and tell him that cats should be allowed to enter the winter olympics in slalom skiing, he say it just makes since that four legs are better then two, i hate that dam cat, cause he just makes to much since to me. He outside the patio door with them stupid skiing goggles on trying to get the mice’s to sign a petition. hes begging me to put it online.
IF YOU WANT MC TO GO TO THE OLYMPIS CHECK YES OR NO
[YES] [NO]
Dam cat
You can walk within the laws of you mind, or you can slide down the mountains and sore to the heavens of your imagination, and the beauty of your heart. You can wear the blinders of your mind, or the goggles of your heart. You can look through your patio door, or open it to the universe. You can hold the hand of the ones you want to feel, or feel the pain of there absence.
I dont know about you, but i feel the love of there presents, and I’m putting goggles on and sliding down that mountain with MC, and I’m voting YES for MC.. HOLD OUR HANDS.. here we go.
LOVE DOUG
I vote a reluctant but enevitable yes only to see his bony ass eat a snowdrift.
I am speaking for my sis, to my sis, and with my sis. I am dancing with Diana Ross, and i am in a dizzy twirl.. my heart tonight so much feels the love that was left with all of us to dance with, a beautiful music of life.
I coulda missed the pain, but i woulda had to miss the dance.
your in my arms tonight Sis
love you so much
Doug
LOL, M
ARE YOU STILL WITH ME MANDY?… I NEED ALL MY ANGELS, and you are my last thought.
Love Uncle Doug
I love you Doug - sometimes my mind is my worst enemy now. I would do it all over again if I had the chance but this pain is so big! Keep me in your arms.
Love never leaves!
Doug,
Thanks for walking with me. It felt good to hold your hand. I can remember my Dad carrying me in the house because my arthritis hurt so bad that I didn’t want to walk. He would gently lay me down in my bed, go get the stinky muscle rub and rub my knees and ankles until the pain went away. He would remind me to tell Arthur to go away and to this day when I am in pain I will lay down and rub my knees or ankles and tell arthur to go away thinking of my Mom and Dad the entire time.
I can remember laying in bed with Tammy one Christmas Eve. Tammy is 5 years older so I now realize that she already knew about Santa back then, but I didn’t and I told her that I could hear Santa on the roof. I was so excited that he was at my house and I could hear him. She loved me soo much that she played along rather than spoil me excitement.
I do have so many wonderful memories that bring smile after smile to my face and some that still bring tears. I can remember my best buddy Cliffy who went off to the service. I was soo mad at him for leaving me, but thank God he returned to my arms. And AMY…my baby sis who went out to the cemetary with me, Mom and Grandma McBride to pick pine cones for the wreaths she always made!
And Mom, I love you so much. You have always been with me through my journies. Gently guiding me along the way. Giving me the trust I needed to do it on my own. Knowing that 9 times out of 10 I was going to do it the hard way, but you know me better than I know myself and you know that is how I have to do it.
My journey has been amazing. I have a beautiful little girl that makes me smile everyday. She is a beautiful little spirit who teaches me something new everyday. She understands this pain I am going through better than I do, but I don’t hide it from her.
Thanks Doug for walking with me. I love you soo much.
Patients is a vertue few of us have, we like to think of ourselves as patient, but we rarely are. We want what we want right now, and we we believe we deserve it. We will sit with our folded hands and be quick to judge others we see as impatient, until it is our need we dont have. As i read this today, i tried to read it with my heart not my mind, and feel it with the beauty of jesus.
psalms: 37 :7
7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath
I believe he is telling us to wait patiently with our minds, till our hearts welcome his truth, a warm and loving door that you can open to the house you built for him.
WOW… I THINK IM GONNA BAKE AN APPLE PIE FOR HIM TONIGHT SO HE CAN HE CAN SMELL THE SPICES OF MY HEART.
Wait patiently till ur mind feels your heart.
You still with me BG3?
I NEED ALL MY ANGELS..but I’m patient
love Doug
I spent a big part of my evening tonight in a deep funk. MY mc didnt show up like he always dose, and my mind went to a place of sadness. This time of the year the deer hunters are in the woods, and i have always known how some of them good.ole .boys will shoot a cat just for the fun of it. My mind quickly took me to a place that would have sent me wondering the woods with a chainsaw in one hand, and an asskickin for anyone i found in the other. Its even hard for me to believe that a man like me would let a silly ass tom cat hold my heart enouth to contorl my mind, but love is love… his boney ass finnally showed up a little wet from the misty rain and kinda gruppy, but ready for a little warm love.
I still dance between my mind and my heart, but my mind is begining to feel the patients of my heart.
I need an “I love you Doug” from the ME in bg3.
love till your patients comes home wet and cold.
Doug
Mc says: Its easier to dodge a Chevy at the brickyard in the short shoot on race day, then to dodge a redneck in a freakin tree any day.
dam straight, MC, you get the last word tonight buddy.
Dam cats on his back with feet in the air wanting a belly rub, hes so stupid, you gotta love him.
AWH FUCK HIM, he ain’t getting the last word, ill throw his bony ass out the patio door to the coyotes first..
“The truth of love is seen by the mind like the beauty of a sunrise, but the real truth of love is seen by the heart, by the warmth of the son”.
Did i get a “HELL YEAH” from A CAROL?
awh im patient
love uncle Doug
Hell yeah, Doug!
I wanta leave Josh with a truth i was taught when i was about his age. It was during the Vietnam war and i was selected by our country to serve, and i was scared. I choose to enlist in the Air Force rather then be drafted into the army, my country didn’t give me a choice, I WOULD EITHER SERVE OR DODGE THE DRAFT. The way i was raised didn’t offer me a choice either, and i new i would do what is right in my mind for country and family, but i was still scared.
The day before i left for boot camp my brother Andy offered me some words of truth that carried me through all my fears, and has been a part of me every since. He said “nothing you will go through has not been gone through by millions before you, and you are as good as anyone”.
You my boy “are as good as anyone”.
THANKS ANDY
love uncle Doug.. did i ever tell you how scared MANDY is of grub worms?
Just eat the grub worms Mindy, they are great protein.
HOW LOST ARE YOU? CAN YOU FIND YOUR WAY HOME?
On the way home from a thanksgiving in Danville Ill many many years ago I traveled with with my two brothers, and our wives. With our bellies filled, and our heart warmed by the day we travelled homeward bound. We teased, played, and laughed with each other, and then we entered indianapolis with my brother Andy driving who has a compass that must be filled with sand cause we were as lost as the sun in your asshole, as each of us tried to figure out where we were my sis Nan took control. We turned left, then right, then we circled back around and turned right then left, with the trust of her direction we ended up in a dead end street with a single street light shining on us. What we all knew that night was that know matter where we end up, we are not LOST.
YOU STILL FEEL THE LIGHT OF THAT STREET LITE SIS? dam ur bony ass, i do.
do i have to send Cindy with a grub worm to drop down your pants BG3, just to get a “HELL YEAH”?
LOVE ALWAYS
MC says: Its easier to love the glint off a coyote teeth in the moonlight, then the flash of a rednecks gun in the sunlight, and its more truthful to feel the fight of a thousand varmints then the hate in the mind of a single man.
I LOVE THAT CAT
dam his ass
Its just as hard to dance in the moon lite, as it it is in the morning sun, if your missing an angel.
Can i get a “hell yeah”
love D
MC 4 president
How dose a marriage last? What takes it beyond that hormonal drive?How do you get 40 freakin years of marriage from that first date. Was it the movie ‘Cat on a hot tin roof’,was it the drive afterwards that i took a car to a 100 miles an hour, and shut the lights off, and ask for a kiss.
I didn’t expect her to answer my phone call the next day after our first date, but i knew if she did she was the girl i wanted for a lifetime. Sometimes i think she just has hung around with me to see what ill do next, but there is a little beacon in my heart that she has always keep lite telling me I’m worthy of her love.
She is so much more special than i can ever hope to be.
How dose a marriage last?…Find someone you love more then yourself, and someone that feels the same way. Then let them feel free to hate you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, to trust you, and to love you if they choose to.
Come on BG3, THATS GOTTA GET A “hell yeah”
love my Cindy
I started my day today with a warm cup of coffee, a crochet afghan, and a quiet heart and mind, only to be interrupted by my son saying “come on Dad, get dressed, we gotta go to work” and i said “The impatience of your mind will leave your heart absent of the serenity of the moment” he rolled his eyes and said “get dressed, lets go”… awh I’m not done with his bony ass, but i like the GET DRESSED LETS GO, part of him.
IF I DONT GET A HELL YEAH FROM THAT Mandy, I’m sending MC TO TALK TO YOU.
LOVE ALWAYS
MC SAYS: I have slept in the corner of a cold basement, i have chased the tails of of my hunger, i have laid hungary, i have trusted myself, i have felt the fear of it all, and I found the lap of love.
dam his bony ass… come on M, AT LEAST GIVE mc a hell yeah
This will be my last thought.
I to have laid in my cold basement, I to have chased the tails of my hunger, and i have laid hungry, i have felt the fear of it all, and i have trusted myself. The lap of love i lay in seems almost unworthy to me, but i will curl in it with an acceptance.
I have known how to walk alone my whole life, i will never let go of the hands of my angels, even if they do me, but maybe its time for all of us to learn to walk alone.
You still have me Uncle Doug!
I wouldn’t be making this journey with the confidence and excitement that I have if it weren’t for my sister. I’m not so concerned that everyone doesn’t understand what is going on, I just need everyone to understand that I am on a different journey in my life that can only be walked by me. I can’t make anyone come with me and I don’t really want too, I think you are right when you said; “maybe its time for all of us to learn to walk alone”
On my wedding day for those of you that were there you will remember my Uncle Cliff making Bill and I repeat “Love never Fails” probably 3 or 4 times (felt like a lot more than that) Even at this point in my life I still believe that, but as humans maybe we fail love. I don’t know, but I am at this point in my life for a reason, we don’t always know what that is and may never know but I have always done pretty much what I thought was expected of me and I feel like it’s time for me to do what I expect of myself? Does that make sense. I’m not as good with words as MC cat is but maybe you can get my point!
I love you!
Wow Mandy!! It made a great deal of sense to me! I truly believe that we fail love, but love never fails us!! It is hard to take that first step alone, but it is ultimately my journey.
I love you!
Oh yeah, I ain’t skeeered o them grubbs no more!!!
We walk no journey alone, for God is with us - Where is God? God for me on this new journey is in all of you and where are you? You are with me! We are with you Mandy! Say it again and again - LOVE NEVER FAILS!
The new journey the kids and I are on is so painful right now but God is greater than our pain.
Just like that song Andy sings so well - You’ll never walk alone!