Lost In the Thought of You by Mindy Hill
OK, so me and my family always laugh about how I can’t rhyme (which will make sense later)…I sincerely accept this about myself, but enjoy writing regardless. Before my Dad died I would just sit and these wonderful feelings would pour out me and I would write, but yesterday I wrote something because inside I felt like I was screaming. I didn’t understand my feelings? Have you ever done that? I would literally be listening to someone talk to me and I would have nothing to say, but instead would be silent outward and screaming inside my head. So, I had to write…I just had to write!
It seems lately it has been difficult for my heart to put into words what it is I am feeling about anything really, but yesterday was different. I had this sudden urge to express my frustrations. I had acknowledged some feelings that were apparantly overwhelming me, hence the screaming in the head? The tribulations of life can be overpowing sometimes. Almost as if someone shut the door and closed the blinds on the beauty of what is. For me the beauty of what is shouldn’t be tricky. It use to be very obvious…I have amazing people to share my life with. I have the beauty of nature that surrounds me. I have a roof over my head and I have a job to pay the bills. It should be enough, but my human mind right now only wants to focus on what was and what could have been rather than what is. I guess this is a point in life where people go to God or go to mediation or go to wherever or whoever it is that is higher in hopes that it will bring them peace or salvation. However you go about getting through this life do it with your eyes wide open to all the possibilities that life will bring you. Do your best and try NOT to be afraid of it all.
You have the opportunity to be a powerful influence on the lives of other people, no matter your position in life.
~ V.J. Smith
This one is for my Dad…
Lost In the Thought of You
Doesnt it just feel awesome sometimes to let your heart sing, and i loved every word of it Freaky girl!
Uncle Doug
Thanks for sharing that Mindy. I so appreciate you sharing with us as you work through your feelings and you’re so honest. Thats so refreshing.
I’m thinking about you and your mom especially as saturday approaches. You all will be in my heart. Love you!
Thanks Lisa and please know that all of you are in our hearts as well.
Love you much
I’m not sure this is a comment I want to begin because I don’t know how it will end. In the late nineteen twenties a boy was born, he was the name sake of his father, the second of seven. His older sister loved him so much, but he was different. He loved flowers and pretty stones, he would rather draw pictures with his crayons of boys riding horses on clouds then to play baseball, and he never wanted to hurt anyone, but was told he was unacceptable to the world he lived in… He tried so hard to be what others expected, he married, and loved; he had children and loved, but was empty… He separated himself from all, and was excellent in his achievements, but still lost in the perfect beauty of his heart.
He was honorable in his military uniform, endearing in his marriage clothing, and loving in his fatherly cloaks, but empty. He walked alone. A man that only wanted to love. Life took him to a place that he became lonelier then he could live with, and he took his own life.
He died not knowing how much he was loved, not knowing that a little boy thought he was cool…
His name was Don C. Goodwin (Bud).
Love Doug
I am so tired of the black man, and the white man, saying we need to have an honest conversation. I am so tired of the gay man and the straight man saying we need to feel each other in equal respect. I am so tired of men and woman demand to feel equal in there rights.
I just want to scream, “SPEAK TO MY HAND THAT HOLDS THE HEART OF GOD THAT SAID THAT 2000 YEARS AGO”! Get over it.
Doug
THE POST WAS BY ONE OF MY bgS THAT TRIED NOT TO LAY NOT THE LIEING DANCE OF HER MINE ON YOU, but the flow of her heart. ITS NOT EASY TO DO THAT. You expose yourself, when you do… too man. But your heard by God.
Most will say, ill say anything to you i would say to God, but only there mind can say that, because there hearts know a different truth.
Its not easy to lay spread eagle…., but it feels SO good when you do.
Love alway
MC SAYS: Man climbs mountains, sails seas, fly to the heavens, looking for love, but its as close as my purr… Dam man.
If you dip a cat in vinegar and food coloring can you hide them on Easter?
Dam cat
Man crawls to the tops of his mountains, he flounders in his seas, and is lost in his heaven, till he feels his heart, then he soars above the mountains, he controls the tides of the seas, as he dances in heaven.
Love man
I sat at lunch today with a man that talked about a man, that we both know that has not been a good man most of his life in the eyes of other men, and he told me how he went crazy and was talking of love, but then he beat his wife up. I told him i thought he saw a guily mind, not a heart of love, but i knew he was talking to me because i talk so much about love, and I knew he needed to do that to feel self assured in his mind.
When you know your loved for eternity, you wont need to do that.
love Doug
HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS TO MYSELF, how could i have gone from the i dont care to the i cant care enough.
why would i do that, I have such a rational mind.. have i confused myself.. have i made a mistake.
Do you just want to watch me… GOD.
dOUG
You dont have clue how much i want to say fuck everyone, including God.. especially God.
Doug
Fuck it, i im going back to being the ass kickin husband father man son uncle.. i dont need a GOD. I dont need anybody.
DOUG
mc and I say there is little differance between us except man can be confused by his heart and mc says cats cant.
I GUESS THATS THE LAST WORD
Pretty cat
I think MC must have written those last four comments as I slept, but I awoke to a glorious sunrise, and I still feel loved. God dont give up easy.
Love Doug
That dam cat! Don’t you hate it when that happens! But, as you said, God don’t give up easy and He gives us glorious sunrises! God is good all the time! All the time, God is good!
We will always care about each other…it is just in our DNA.
Can you provoke God to anger? God knows I have tested the limits of that possibility. As I tried to answer that question this morning I consider looking in the bible, but I decide to looking in the only reference I have found to give me the truth, myself.
When I try and understand God I try to keep in mind that I am the image of him, that I am his child, and he is my father. So with that in mind I ask myself if my child said I hate you, I don’t need you would I be angry with them, and the answer came back NO I would still love them no matter what they said or did.
I will continue to try and live in the image God as best I can because I believe that he will never turn his face from me no matter what I say or do, and he will only speak to me in a soothing tone of love. In my own provocative way I believe there is an intimate relationship between me and Thee.
Love Doug