Live for the Day!
It’s been a while since I have even looked at this site. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was lost and scared. I just had to go and figure out how to move on through this world without my Dad. You know, it is pretty tough growing up and what I have learned is that we never really ever stop growing up. Growth is a continual process. I really find some serious beauty in that. I can’t wait to see what comes next with each new person I meet or place I go. You never know what is around the corner. It keeps things moving. It keeps me learning.
It was rough letting go and relying on myself to figure this one out. I always turned to my Father for help. I always relied on his wisdom to get me through tough times and I didn’t know where to go. I felt like a kid at K-Mart who got lost and was wondering around the store scared out of her mind. I was use to driving over to Richmond where I could go see that simple look I needed in my Father’s eyes. He could always open my heart and my mind. He always had a way of helping you find in yourself just what it was you were looking for… Most of the time your inner strength could be found. I remember thinking “what the hell am I suppose to do now?”
When I was going to Church I was suppose to rely on the Lord to get me through the rough times. I was supposed to rely on the lord to show me the way. “The Lord” never did anything for me and the Church just scared the shit out of me. I chose to rely on my Dad to help me find my way and when he died I realized that we can rely on each other to a certain point, but ultimately, we have what it takes to find our own way. There is always Love that lives inside of us. I have met so many wonderful people. Amazing people that never had a father or a mother to rely on and yet they found their own way. For me it took losing my Father for me to realize that I can find my own way and if you wanna get biblical I am the way, I am the truth and I am the light…we all are.
I see that out of the ground a flower will grow. I also know that I can have my body turned to ash and the earth will absorb it back into that very same ground that the flower grew out of and in the beautiful cycle of life my BEAUTIFUL body will help the next flower grow. That flower serves some sort of purpose on earth and so do I and so does every other living thing. It is so easy to quit fearing death. We can’t change it and it is going to happen. I will die having no regrets and having no shame. I was made exactly the way I was meant to and no one can control that. I can hear the Beatles singing now…”We are only waiting for the moment to arrive.” Some of us are waiting to die and some of us are living to die. I choose to live so that I can die.
Put your bibles down and dip your feet in the water. Lay back on the grass, enjoy the cool water and just be. Live for the day.
